I’m more than a bit annoyed today – it’s actually PATHETIC that the SAME PICKY PEOPLE who have unrealistic “standards” don’t get that other people are viewing them THE SAME WAY – and they’re not even normal standards like, oh you know, can the person hold a job and is doing something worthwhile with their lives, is the person still with the spouse, has the person ever been in jail, but DUMB stuff…..You know, YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE SINGLE! Not everyone you meet is going to be your spouse, but you CAN do wonders to LEARN to build friendship and LEARN what that means. And get this, You DON’T EVEN HAVE TO SETTLE – You CAN meet amazing people who are just as Amazing as you think you are…wait..what? You can’t? Oh, well maybe if you get off the pedestal of perfection you placed yourself on and join the rest of the world, the blinders will come off your eyes.
I intentionally picked the images below to show you and ask you if this is what it’s come to – unnecessarily. Do any of them show your attitude? And this is all while saying God is in control..no, He’s not, you are – at least unsuccessfully trying to be and you’re ruining it for others out there wanting to truly meet quality people. Just admit you’re bitter and go get counseling to get over it.
Stop being such a hypocritical jerk, or get out of the dating pool!
Arikah, your romantic date coach and matchmaker
Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking
p.s. yep, it’s one of those days in the business where the craziest and least likely people to be picky, are just that. And it’s not just for the women, men are there as well. I, unapologetically approve this message.
My last post was more of a secular nature speaking more to the mindset in finding THE one. Now I want to discuss the diminishing art of quieting our soul and spirit to allow ourselves to recognize our chosen one.
In our mad dash to beat our biological clocks and growing loneliness, it is all too easy to become so distracted and overwhelmed with the non-stop clammer in daily lives, that somehow in all that, we expect to magically find our perfect partner. But realistically, how can we? How can we recognize the difference between that “nice guy/girl” and our chosen life partner?
I want to encourage everyone reading this post, if you’re single or in a relationship that’s going no where or one that just drains you, I encourage you to begin practice by turning off all media; i.e phones, tv, any social media, computers (start off with 10 minutes and maybe increase to 30 minutes)….
and imagine yourself in a throne room.
This isn’t just any throne room – it’s the Higher Power, God’s throne room, who made you and knows your heartbeat. The One that knows your secret desires, failures, injustices, and accomplishments and loves you with an unchanging, faithful love. Imagine being in the Presence and asking, “Who is my Love?”
For those of you who don’t believe in God, I promise trying this exercise, or simply meditating with that question out there, will serve as equalling benefitting.
The point is allowing ourselves to find that answer without distraction and with intentional focus. That’s one where friends, family, media, horoscopes or professionals CAN’T answer for you. And then answering the question who ever told you you would never find love?
But that’s just the first part.
The second and most important part is sitting patiently, waiting and listening for the answer.
And knowing and believing that you will get the answer. This is usually the most difficult part because this takes time, and in world of “I wanted it yesterday,” we tend to find ourselves seeking out and settling for the wrong choice for us or doubtful that love will ever come our way, which usually leads to our losing our joy from the heart – despair. The hard lesson we must learn, among many other things, is that when our minds are calm and settled enough, we will receive the answer because now we have trained our inner ears to hear. At this time, it is also wise to understand that perhaps your chosen one is still prepping for you! I’ll say until I’m old and gray, if I had met my husband earlier than I did, not only would I not have recognized him to be the one I would devote myself to, but I wouldn’t have appreciated him like I do. Sometimes the waiting isn’t for you to be ready, but that your one is ready.
From there it is up to you to take the next step.
Our next post will be “Training on Finding Love – ‘The Karate Kid’ Way.”
This year, I want to ask of you a huge favor – PLEASE pass it on to your “seeking, lovesick” friend that just because he/she had sex with that hot (or even average looking) person twelve times already within the past five nights, that doesn’t equal “love.” A sex life comparable to rabbits maybe, but not love.
That just because your friend knows where ticklish spots are and can name all the moles, tattoos, and hair on that person’s body, that doesn’t mean they were meant for each other.
That just because the two like long walks on the beach, like to travel, enjoy a dinner and movie, dancing, or volunteering at their local church doesn’t mean they qualify as the couple that will be there for each other when (not, “if”) the storms of life in relationships occur.
Please help them to minimize heartache and heartbreak (there’s a slight difference) this year by helping them to call it what it really is – an enjoyable time with another person that wasn’t meant to be longer than 3 months. (Even though I was being really generous there, I’ll even venture to say 6 months.)
Yep, Lust has a time limit.
Why? Because even the most ‘surface-y, superficial’ person is fearfully and wonderfully made and deeply desires unconditional love. This goes even deeper and beyond “loving” someone past warts, unwanted hair, bad breath and bad cooking. This is where your core beliefs, which usually are established from your childhood, come and take a life of their own.
I’m going to share this in terms of a marriage.
For example, a newly married couple (anything under 4 years) are having a hard time seeing eye-to-eye about what it means to express and demonstrate their love. He, being straight-laced and quiet, believes when he sends her text messages professing his love, he is showing her love daily. She, more gregarious and lively, believes he needs to plan dates, wine/dine and woo her, every weekend. He was raised that the husband provides a roof and try to lighten the stress of the wife and be the “Head servant,” however when asked what that word meant to him, he admittedly answered he didn’t know. She was raised with the belief that marriage could fail at any time, so husbands must fervently tend to the marriage. At least when the wife is tending the family and home.
Both confess to love each other, but really, how they decide to handle the above situation is what will strengthen or destroy their relationship. How can I say that? Well, it all goes back to how they view one thing, the core belief – what marriage means to both of them.
Let’s be real here. More and more, people are becoming anti-marriage, but it’s not because it doesn’t work. Some marry, I’m told, because there are tax breaks and benefits. Some marry to escape their environment or circumstance. As a matter of fact, I could be here naming off a few for a bit, so I’ll just make this into a list and you tell me if these ‘marriages’ are based on terms that are lasting.
– to spite another person,
– to inherit material items
– to control another person
– to ensure loneliness doesn’t come in their lives
– to make headlines
– to have what they think as non-stop sex
– to have someone home waiting for them, (and add to this one, while they are with someone else)
– to “lock in” playful and fun times with another person
– to give their children a parent
– to have a live-in babysitter, and/or maid
– to beat their biological clock
– to prove they are worthy
– to have children
– to keep up with religious standards and timeframes
– to keep up with secular timeframes and standards
– to ensure someone will always be in agreement with however or whatever they decide to live their lives
– to have the “daddy” or “mommy” they never had
What’s so scary is that, I am sure, you as the reader, can think of other reasons to add to the above list.
These days are and will be more difficult to find true love on the fly. My point is simply this: until a person, who truly wants a committed and loving relationship, can be real with what his or her owns reasons are for feeling ready for a committed relationship, that person will only get non-serious, non-committed people. No matter how much your friendloves that wart on that cutie’s back or the bunion on that beauty’s foot. A person has to ask him or herself, and be able to answer, the hard questions of what he or she truly believes.
Next week’s blog, Some Core Belief / Value Questions that MUST be Answered to Have and Find a Successful Relationship. (I’ll probably shorten the title.)
Tell your friend to read my blog and to send questions if I can help. Or, you can for yourself. Remember it’ll be my opinion, but it’ll always be your ultimate choice to take the advice – just like for your friend when you see him or her get into relationships that you can see from a mile away a heartbreak is inevitable, and when it does, your friend throws out the whole idea of love with the bath water. Until the next time, and so the cycle continues.
Love is more than this and can be found and savoured. Only the wise (not the smart – but wise and yes, there is a difference) find it, and once it’s found, it’s rich, juicy, and everlasting.
I’ve seen it too many times to not believe that. I’ve been promised that from my Maker to not believe Him. And, although my husband and I have our own take displaying our love, I’m happy to say we’re living it.
: Want to have a FREE month of my personal matchmaking service and lots of great gifts? There are two contests going on found on http://www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking. 1.) Sign up and buy the month service for an already deep discount before the 16th and be placed in the drawing for an extra month, and/or, 2.) post your own most creative 30 second video of YOUR definition of Love. Those videos with the most “likes” wins! (no porn, nudity, or videos in poor taste will be accepted. It’s too bad I have to put that, but again, that’s the world we live in. Keep it clean!)
Love, Peace, and Happy Dating to you!
Shakira “Arikah” Baly-Jensen, Founder Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking and Two Ships Dating App
It’s January 2nd, 2015. Aside from making your weight loss and personal betterment goals, what goals have you made to be with your perfect significant other?
It’s been two days now, have you started?
It may seem far-fetched to think that you will be with your perfect-for-you other. but I’d like to encourage you that this year, you CAN be. Here are some practical tips to get you started:
1.) Start with the right attitude. The more you radiate your thoughts of contentment that your other is within arm’s reach, the closer your other will gravitate towards you. Remember, like attracts like.
2.) Be the person you want to attract. That simply means in terms of values. Yes, I know “opposites attract,” but reiterating the first point, like in values is where like is important. Just because ‘opposites attract’ doesn’t mean they stay together. Like really does attract and keep like.
3.) Know your value system. Start off with things like views on loyalty and integrity and temperament. What would you classify as cheating? Do you fly off the handle or hit when you get angry? How do you believe a person earns and keeps respect? Knowing how to answer the big tough questions now will save you time and heartache when just a handsome/pretty face tries to impress you. You won’t be fooled.
4.) Start more conversations and ask sincere questions. In my working in the matchmaking business, I find that many, many people talk wayyy too much about themselves and then listen to others in ways to discredit the other. The best way to describe how to counter this is to engage. Ask genuine questions from the other, and listen to simply listen to the other person. This is to help those seeking, to not have conversations while thinking, ‘is this person the one?’ Especially after only one-two interactions. If you have to ask after two interactions, they are not the one. (people who are sure don’t ask.) If you find yourself naturally thinking this after at least 15 – 20 interactions with the person, at least they are on the list of consideration fairly.
5.) The really great relationships are never rushed.
Promise yourself in 2015, that this year, you will handle your heart (mind, body, and spirit) with care.
Love and peace,
Shakira “Arikah Nash” Baly-Jensen, Founder Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking
I, ______________________ believe that my perfect significant other is now with me.
I vow that today I will concentrate my thoughts for 30 minutes saying a small prayer of his or her day.
I understand that my perfect significant other will be the exact person I truly believe of myself, therefore I will spend 30 minutes per day, allowing myself to evolve to be the type of person I need to be, to be in a loyal and loving committed relationship/marriage.
This includes being quick to forgive and listen, and being slow to anger and to speak.
I will understand before I try to be understood.
I will master the art of laughter and finding humor in things.
I will care for my body, mind, spirit and health, and present myself as the best me I can be, just as I expect my other to present him or herself as the best he or she can be.
I understand that from overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks, so I hereby vow to find the best in situations.
I vow that voids and heartbreak from past relationships are filled before my significant other comes into my life as a relationship.
I understand that I can not nor will not ever change a person, so the relationship I am in is one where I take responsibility for my own actions and my perfect significant other takes responsibility for his/her actions.
I understand that before my significant other will appear, I will have these promises to myself in order and practiced with full faith.
I am clear in my desired goals and my significant other matches those same goals.
I understand love is an action word and not based on emotions, but choices.
I understand I CHOOSE to be patient when I say I love my other, I Choose to be kind and not boastful or envious or easily angered. I choose to be gentle and encouraging, protecting and believing, always hoping, and never failing my other person.
I no longer feel the need to search for my other because my other is present and here, however will be revealed when both of us are able to appreciate each other – without any manipulation from me or him/her. Therefore I pray over my significant other that obstacles be moved from both us, strength is restored, and protection from harm.
The actions I do today are with the mindset of my perfect other and are more positive actions to strengthen our bond for the day we meet and build together. As we build together, I will always hold true these vows, and will respect, honor, love, and cherish my perfect other as my partner does the same.
I sign this vow, repeat it daily and commit it memory.
Friend request me (www.facebook.com/arikah.nash.5) and message me
(The group is Secret and cannot be found otherwise. )
Conference call is set early in the morning, however the recording can be listened to until the next day.
The conference call is The group where in confidence (discretion) and respect, callers from our phone call can share, post, strengthen and encourage each other in finding love, being content with their singleness, or get ideas to improve their own relationships. This group is an action group/ group therapy-type setting, which allows for those who seriously desire to be with their significant other to take active steps towards doing so, or to encourage those build a solid, loving and loyal foundation. (That is my mantra)
Today – Know and Believe, you’re Never Alone
Love you in Spirit!
S. Arikah Nash Baly-Jensen, Founder, Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking, Two Ships Dating App
Lydia* (* names changed) was ready planning for hers and Trevor’s* new life until she discovered by chance, his marriage wasn’t over, but in fact very much “loving.” When she decided to end it and his wife found out, the barrage of hate calls towards her began from the wife, their friends, and his children, leaving her battling stress, depression, and her personal view towards God.
Am I crazy to think she can be forgiven and find true Peace and then her True Love?
Another story is one where Jake*, a young assertive businessman whose success was rapidly growing at exponential speed. He was accumulating many things and was enjoying the attention he was getting from the company’s bigwigs. One night, after a party at the local upscale restaurant, Jake, having a few too many to drink, lost control of his car and hit a mini-van carrying a mother and her two small children. The impact killed the mother instantly. Jake lives constantly in torment and agony of the accident, and finds it hard to believe the family would ever forgive him, though at times, he’s wanted to contact them. He didn’t believe in God, but questioned that if he were real, why would He allow the mother’s death?
Jake can also be forgiven and receive the Peace he seeks.
Although these are two separate stories, the result of shame, guilt, despair, and unforgiveness still tend to stifle individuals when it comes to bonding in romantic relationships, and only those who connect the two prove to have an amazing track record in finding their true love. Isn’t it true that all anyone wants is to be loved, cherished, and respected; understood and accepted? A client of mine has many affirmations posted on her walls, which calls for the chanter to pull the strength from within, but if a person’s mind is negating the statements, (such as, “You are worth it,”) the mind has nothing solid to draw from, so it disagrees – which tend to lead to the destructive choices people make, made ever so clear in matters of the heart. Where can you draw from?
First off, knowing and understanding that even though you may not believe in God, there is nothing damaging in studying how He is said to describe love, which is actually what we all want:
I say all this to say that even when you mess up, there is someone who claims to love you – right way – and gives you the freedom to choose to love Him back.
And from that Perfect Love of forgiveness, you will begin to feel from your heart that forgiveness, and that other people follow that same way of life, which leads to the open door of being able to love the right way and receive love the right way. This work is what is necessary in building the HEALTHY foundation for a loving, loyal and committed marriage.
You are Worthy to be Loved.
There really is someone out there you were made for.
Allow yourself to accept that Perfect forgiveness, but take the time to admit your mistakes and take responsibility. The circle of influence your actions affect, expand past your immediate field of vision. Accepting the mercy and forgiveness God gives has the power to positively affect into future generations.
Then study the actions of unconditional love, (which is not being a doormat).
The work you do now in planning forever will help you find the one you were made for, instead of wasting time with those who are satisfying emotional and sexual needs, just to end in heartache. Is that what you want?
If you need advice or a friendly ear, please contact us at Two Hearts. We are passionate about making sure that every couple matched is done in a way for a loving lifelong commitment in marriage. Modeled after how Jesus loves, we have witnessed countless success stories, and now, adding daily with our services by matching healthy, stable couples. Beyond that, it’s simply prayer to match the right ones with each other! (That’s the secret)
This blog was much needed and had to be said, so to give those caught in their minds that they are unloveable.
Peace, Love, and Blessings to you!
And Happy Dating/Companion Building!
S. Arikah Baly-Jensen, Founder Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking and Two Ships
I think it’s wise to start with the question first, “What is it that you truly want for yourself?”
Listening to the Think and Grow Rich call this morning, it was read that one of the things written in Dr. Napolean Hill’s was only those who know want they want out of life get it. A caller even mentioned that in an interaction between two people the one with the stronger will, will win out.
What does this have to do with the casual sexual relations among dates and dating? Many people say that they want true love and someone to love them for them, yet in the same breath either discover too late that they had given the gift and privilege of themselves to undeserving others, or, they speak of satisfying their own “urges.” Really it all boils down, what is it that you truly want?
“Oh, that’s easy for you to say, and that may work for you, but if I don’t, they think something is wrong with me.”
“Girl, I am just a sexual being – you get me?”
“Hey, a guy / girl ‘s got needs.”
“Well, yeah I love God. I still want the nookie.”
“I’ve got a high sex drive.”
“Hey, anything that will get a girl to have sex with me, I’m willing to say or legally do.”
I was thinking of the dear widows and widowers I know, young and older, and realized they never spoke of satisfying these urges. Instead they would speak with respect, of their departed. Sure they mention of wanting to be in a relationship, however, they would speak in a way to love the person.
Again, I noticed that it all boiled down to respect of themselves and others.
It’s funny how we (or the audience does) boo and laugh at the people on the talk shows or court shows or in the tabloids and shake our heads in disgust when they advertise how their sexual lives and infidelity are shameful. But is it shameful because it’s out in the public or because they are doing it?
Perhaps, in the search of finding our “true love,” we can actually be the type of person with the type of values and morals we want to attract, or at least act as though we are being watched? One thing I’ve learned is that whatever is done in the dark, will eventually have light shed on it. Sooner or later in some shape or form, it will be revealed including our mistrust of another.
Being celibate just for the sake of being celibate, does not work. I mentioned to a friend that for 8 years, I lived a celibate life because I thought it was the proper thing to do since I became a Christian. For a while, I was fine, but I think when it started to get to the point of my boasting of my own efforts of remaining celibate that I started to become weak. I started looking at married men and lusting after them – not so much for the sex, but because I wanted to have that kind of man to father my future children. I remember confiding in two co-workers and friends of my growing libido. That was when they suggested that perhaps I should consider seeking help, especially since it was dominating my thoughts and mind. (We’ll talk about this story in a future blog.)
“Well, that’s you and that’s them. I’m sexually healthy.”
Just a side note, are you in the relationship that you want? That you dreamed of?
If you pray to God to send you someone to love and one who loves you, please act like it. Does God give second best? Does He match others when they are not at their best? And by “best,” I do not mean perfection, I mean your priorities are right, and you are living your life as though you are preparing your home (which is your heart) for a peaceful life – confronting or dealing with past hurts and baggage and any unforgiveness.
If you pray to God, are you praying for God to send someone to you or are you praying over your future spouse. Before meeting Bob, I was in a toxic relationship that I knew in my heart was not for me. Up until then, Bob was trying to get a membership to the gym I worked at (where we met), but there was always something preventing him from doing so including flat tire on the day he was coming, forgetting about coming over instead of usingi the one he was currently using, and him being presented with another deal from that gym he was using. He said that the one I worked at had a particular machine that he liked that the other didn’t have so he knew he wasn’t going to stay where he was. It wasn’t until I listened to that tiny voice and broke off things with that relationship, that on Feb. 1, a couple of weeks later (making sure that my past relationship was good and out of my life, maybe?) that he was able to get membership to the gym where I worked. He had seen me first, and finally on the afternoon of February 14, was when he approached me – as a client. (Of course, because he was a client, neither one of us ever knew or planned that we would be in holy union. Yet individually, we both were praying to Jesus and ready to find someone to love). Once we dated, then were engaged, I literally felt as though I was being ushered by the hand spiritually, into Bob’s arms.
Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. If you’ve been following the Ravens’ Ray Rice happenings, you’ll know that a video of him being on the elevator with his, at the time fiancee, and he punched her square in the face, knocking her out. She had since married him, and although in the recent pictures that have surfaced shows her either looking down, tight jawed, or just with a sullen expression, she tweeted that she will continue to stand by her husband, (with him being suspended) and that this was her unconditional love, and to please respect her, her daughter’s, and husband privacy. He had since reported that his wife a strong and supporting woman. Who knows but them, what happened behind closed doors throughout the span of their relationship? I don’t and don’t pretend to know, however, it is so common to see couples where one is getting secretly abused, either verbally, physically, or emotionally, yet because of giving into sex pre-maturely, their hearts are bound and devoted to their abuser. Just a question – is that love? Is that the kind of love you are seeking? Who is giving the unconditional love – her or her husband?
“So are you judging? I don’t want to judge anyone!”
Judging comes in two forms; 1.) condemning someone for some kind of act they committed and 2.) using proper filter and wisdom. For example, if you knew that a pedophile lived in your neighborhood, would you allow your child to be alone with this person? You don’t need to condemn to decide which is right and safe for your child and which is not.
Community – are you seeking life outside your own head? In order to properly have a healthy relationship, the right people in your life will look you square in the eye and let you know of a aura, or an energy, around that person that, once you’re bitten with the pre-mature sex bug, will be difficult to see.
Meditation – Are you focusing and being thankful that your perfect-for-you person will meet you?
Enjoying Every Life – Are you enjoying all that life has to give and offer?
It’s so common to be swept up in the whirlwind of having to have someone to fulfill our needs, and yet once in a relationship, we wonder where it went wrong. If you haven’t received what you deeply wanted so far, perhaps going deeper into your plan of action is necessary. After all, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right? From this blog, I hope to communicate that perhaps reviewing our actions with our words to truly get our heart’s desire will be both necessary and rewarding.
Love, Peace, and Respect to you,
S. Arikah Nash Baly-Jensen, Founder, Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking www.twoheartsoffline.com