Tag Archives: online dating

“I’m Ready to Marry, But My “Type” Doesn’t Exist”

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There was a post on Facebook from one of my friends that stated, “Your ‘type’ may be the reason you aren’t with your soulmate.”  While many of the comments agreed, one pointed out that going outside your race as a reason.  Hmm?

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After being matched for the “chemical attraction/first meeting,” I arranged for two people whose questionnaire showed that they valued the same things and held the similar temperament, both agreed that they thoroughly enjoyed themselves.  He continued by saying that he was attracted to her and really enjoyed himself.  She mentioned that she had a great time and enjoyed the meeting, “however.”

“However, what?” I asked.

“Well, I don’t know how you determine chemical attraction but I wasn’t,” she said.

In my experience, I have heard more women – married women who are deeply in love with their husbands, start by saying that at first, they were not attracted to the man who would later become their husbands.  They all admit that although they would snub these men, there was something about them that they could see that God was definitely working on their hearts and what they needed, instead of what they wanted, and after the consistency, the stable-mindedness, and decisiveness of their suitors, they were in love and ready to devote their lives in matrimony.

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For my male clients, I help them in the process of letting go of the women who they personally pursued and still cannot let go.  When I ask them to tell me a quality of these women that they believe is marriage-worthy, they stutter and stammer.

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Ughhhh…..please..

My point in addressing the male’s situation, the female’s version of no chemical attraction, and the erroneous picture above is that I truly believe there is a mix up of people’s idea looking for dates and seeking marriage-worthy individuals.

One of the ways I match couples, is to give an extensive and in-depth questionnaire to truly understand what it is the person is looking for.  What they don’t know is that on the other side, there is a match for them.  I don’t tell them anything about the other person because I do not want the intention of the answers to change.  It’s important to screen the health and mindset of the person to be sure they are ready to begin a mutually loving relationship.  The individuals never see the pictures of the other person until the meeting, (but is sometimes within the boundaries of the what the individual is open to.) So, the individual based on the answers they give, will never know that if their potential is within reach.

Am I keeping them from meeting? You better believe it, in regards to my business, as I seek to match healthy-minded people with others; but I am not preventing them from meeting.  My mindset is if it is meant to be, they will find each other. It’s just sad when you can actually witness that it will take time for the person to evolve to place where they can give and receive a respectful, loving relationship.  I can’t stress enough, though, once it’s found, there is no other mutual devotion on earth, stronger and appreciated.

Couple enjoying coffee at Sidewalk Cafe --- Image by © Artiga Photo/Corbis
Couple enjoying coffee at Sidewalk Cafe — Image by © Artiga Photo/Corbis

What I’m saying is that looking for marriage minded individuals is much different than simply looking for attractive people who can hold a conversation.

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Today’s singles are collectively saying that they are single by choice, but that their “type” doesn’t exist – which means they’re looking.  They’re saying that their career comes first, however, says in the same breath that they wish even options or other perspectives, can talk to them.  And soon their pickiness becomes either bitterness or wishy-washiness. And for those who are wanting at marriage for another chance, many times, they haven’t learned the important signals that happen beforehand that create turmoil in their relationship, and so, the cycle begins again – Heaven forbid children are now involved.

It reminds me of a middle school dance, that awkward event (probably not so much today’s middle schooler, but you know what I mean) where although hormones are racing, no one has confidence to go up and ask out someone for the dance – or, is able to be open enough to be approachable to be asked. For the dance, mind you.

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I don’t know how else to illustrate that your “type” is there, I promise. However, if your old methods for finding dates are not working for you, is it that you’re using the wrong methods?  Are you using a superficial checklist that doesn’t even cover questions that prove the person would be loyal to you or has the ability to see you value the same thing?  Is it just based on looks, conversation, job status, or children status?

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Please note, when you are ready to find a spouse, your filter MUST be specific – but in the right ways. It is not based on whether his Bible (which he probably got from his grandma) is highlighted.  It’s not based on if she shares the same political views. It’s not based on definition of his pectoral muscles or whether or not he has facial hair.  It’s not based on whether she has a few extra pounds.

The ONE thing singles miss in their search, in the opinion of this professional dating coach and matchmaker, is the level of integrity they can honestly say they have seen consistently enough to even have a person qualified.  Integrity is what makes the beauty/handsome.  And that is something that is not shown in just words.  It’s not something that is can be determined after a few encounters. That takes time. Time, where neither party is manipulating the outcome, but is respectful, direct, and decisive.

So many, though, do not even know what integrity means.  Integrity is one where a person does what they say they’re going to do.  They respect themselves in a way that spills out for respect for others.  The person doesn’t call out on an appointment, or work, even (there’s a lot of that going on in the workforce) at the last minute because they don’t feel like coming in.  The person doesn’t make promises and breaks them. They respect themselves enough to not get in the situation if they think they can’t do it.  They help others without seeking to please others, or say the popular thing they think others want to hear.  They believe in loyalty and walk in that.  They vibrate on a completely different level – where it seems as though they are eccentric, but it’s only because they are surrounded by people who act entitled;, wanting the same things in a loving relationship, yet believe the other person must come in perfect to fit some unrealistic mold they’ve crafted that goes to serve them and their egos.

So then, I ask you, do you still think you’re type isn’t there?

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Want to take the preliminary online dating questionnaire? For just $25, (very limited time offer! Service begins at receipt of payment.) you can register to get the individualized personal first steps to help you find your spouse. Confidential, respectful, and prayer is always the key element in finding matches.  You don’t have to go it alone. Your pace.

Even for the shy.

Click here to begin.

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The Right Way and Wrong Way to Chase Him

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True story.

A long time ago, I had a very good friend who found Jesus the same time I did.  We understood heartaches, trauma, and overcoming.  We were like peas in a pod and really didn’t think of looking at each other in any other way but  through a platonic friendship.

But one evening, when we were sitting in his car after a bible group meeting, I remember (vaguely, but I do remember some things), crying about feeling unloved and unattractive to men.  I poured my heart out to him and being the good friend he was, he listened.

Then he said , “Shakira, one day you’re going to find a man and he’s going to be lucky to have you. He’s going to love you and you’ll see you’re worth it!”

Well, and if you didn’t know where I was going with this, I immediately thought he was talking about himself, so suddenly, the “scales fell from my eyes” and I started to like him. A lot.  I mean…… – a lot.  And unfortunately, it was one sided. Yep, I took words from a friend and made them – no, molded and forced them to be something they werent.

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As a matter of fact,  I told everyone in church he was going to marry me and be mine.  I told God (bwahah) that he was husband and to go ahead and make it happen.  I remember calling him in the middle of night one night to say something (important to me, but really drama!) and hearing him say, “Shakira, you’re scaring me. Are you drunk?”

UGHHHH!

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“OH, he WILL marry me one day!”

Ok, lesson learned – friendship forever ruined.  WRONG WAY – FAIL! Bye Felicia! …

A few years later, I went to live on the other coast and attended the singles group.   All the women were very close knit and comfortable and secure with the men to go out on dates, hang out and just be friends.  A new guy came in to the mix and all us women were checking him out.  He was sweet and attractive and fun.  He and I went out on a date which was at the gymnasium he taught at and it consisted of jumping in a pit of foam balls. IT WAS CRAZY FUN!!  But I didn’t really pursue him. In fact, another friend of ours in the group had her eyes on him and in so many words made clear that she was going after him.  I don’t remember her carrying on like I did, but I do remember it just being implied.  I think because we all loved each other, the women rallied around her to encourage it to happen. We prayed over her (and him unbeknownst).  I remember her doing little things for him, giving baked gifts to him.  They went out on a few dates and during that time I moved again.  The next thing I knew there were wedding announcements.  They are still together with two kids and are strong for each other.

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Both of us women are Christians, but I believe her maturity spiritually, socially, and mentally allowed her to not speak about her conquest before getting counsel, prayers, and confirmation.  I simply stated what I wanted and set about to loudly make him love me – which is why I put that picture above. That’s probably how I came across.  My friend, on the other hand, was able to control her emotions enough to not question him, but get to know him and stay in prayer.  Her friends, who she trusted, gave her great advice and served as her sounding board.

Many women over 28 – no, 35… no 43,… ok 50, swing in the pendulum of all or nothing.  Either there are no guys around to consider, (many times meaning there’s a bit of loner-ism to them) or they settle for the worst possible choice.

I even had a client who enjoyed her online dating experience because although she did want to marry one day, she wanted to enjoy herself out on a date.  When she finally did meet the man she would later marry, she made the comments of why they were waiting to exchange nuptials.  She proposed to him! Five years later, they’re still married strong.

Why not get a little bold – with self-control?

Yes, I was humiliated, but the awesome news is we’re all married to our chosen ones, without regrets.  Although the friend and I no longer speak, I’m so incredibly grateful he wasn’t the one.  As my own marriage grows and my husband and I get to know each other each day, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Is there anyone you’ve had your eyes on?

Some have resorted to this .   Click and find out if this works for you.

If you want my services go here to go to the site and let me help you find love today!

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Just ask for the help you need…

Go Here:       http://twoheartsforlife.myinstapage.com

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It’s time…

S. Arikah Baly-Jensen, Founder of Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking

http://www.twoheartsoffline.com       Like our Fan page to be a beta-tester for the upcoming dating app, Two Ships, The Mercedes Benz of the Dating Apps   http://www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking

More on Finding “True Love” from Online Dating Sites Pt. 1

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***This blog series will contain strong language and images for mature audiences only. The following images are not real clients, or images taken from dating sites, but are used to carry the point. ***

One of the departments Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking has, is an Online Cupid Secretary, which not only leverages time and energy for our clients to find dates more suited for them across the country, but it also helps prevent being scammed by online dating scammers with its background checks and methods saving our clients hundreds of thousands of dollars, broken and dashed dreams of infatuation, and time and energy.

So, we decided to elaborate a bit more on profiles dos and don’ts and how to keep from being scammed yourself.

Some will be a repeat from an earlier blog, but it truly bares repeating if you intend on going the online dating route.

Part 1.  Pictures

Hair –  Don’ts

1.) Please – Try not to cover your face with your hair.  Remember this is for the first impression for someone to consider you as their very own sweetheart.

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As beautiful as it is please resist the urge to cover your face.
As beautiful as it is please resist the urge to cover your face.
Ummm...? Well the good news is she has bills AND coins for toll booths..
Ummm…? Well the good news is she has bills AND coins for toll booths..

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Facial hair

Please look as trim and as presentable as you can be. Remember, not perfection, but the best YOU you can be.

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About HATS

Don’t wear them!  If you are going to wear hats, make sure there are enough pictures to actually see your face. It’s ok to say that you’re a hat guy/girl, just please limit them for your profile pictures – and choose them wisely…

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The last picture can also fit in this category –

Update your pictures!

You may have been a hunk or a prom queen back in the day, in all fairness, if you are already presenting yourself incorrectly, that is misleading.  A person will love you regardless of how you use to look, so join him/her in the present day and make your profile pictures show you in the present day, not going any further back than two years (unless you there are drastic changes in your appearance including weight loss/gain or any noticeable cosmetic surgery.

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Make-up –

Ladies, less IS more and applying it correctly is even greater.

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The Half-naked Shots on dating sites other than hook-up sites

one word – WHY??

What never ceases to amaze me is reviewing profiles that want the serious relationship, yet, the images they choose are those that really say, “All the commitment of a bar, without the hassle of driving home drunk.”

Beloveds, if there are half-naked shots in the profile, “hooking-up/one night stands/and peep show video-ing” are sure to follow. I implore you to please guard your heart from settling for these online dating users – unless you want to end up showing your privates to someone across the country, and there’s no true commitment made. With the selfies craze, unfortunately, the sense of preserving oneself for a true love is becoming more rare. However, it is a quality that other successful users subconsciously look for in choosing a forever mate.

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The above picture is also meant to share how important your background is so, please have your background perfect – and away from mirrors in case the mirror shows a dirty room.

Regarding Fish photos

It’s great, fellas, that you are proud of your catch, however, to put in perspective, many females must scroll through many many pictures of men proudly showing their catch, but here’s the secret – unless the woman is proficient in that activity, (or is worried she may not eat,) posting those pictures are not there for her, they’re there for you – which should not be.  Send those to those who have expressed an interest in fishing. (of course, this is primarily for those men in the south where it is predominant.) Instead, think of creative pictures to post to catch her eye:

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Fellas, this beats your fish trophy pictures hands down..

Cut Photos with other people (namely your ex) in them 

NO…Stop being lazy, take new pictures.

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gone with the wind

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Honestly, there were so many categories this picture could have fit, but it’s a nice segue to the next topic regarding pet pictures…

Regarding pictures with your Pets.

Pet lovers ….. it’s great to show that you have and love your pets, however, if you show that they have a place in your daily life that is … a bit much, you may not attract the type of person you seek, so please simply go easy on the pet pictures on sites that are not specifically for finding pet lovers.

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For in the next blog, I will discuss other photo no-nos And how to avoid being scammed.

Guarding your hearts and wallets,

Shakira Arikah Nash Baly-Jensen, Founder of Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking

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http://www.twoheartsoffline.com

http://www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking  – (to be a beta-tester for the upcoming dating app Two Ships)

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If You DO Decide to go the Online Dating Route, Please Keep this in Mind….

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This poses as a friendly service for all you who truly do put all your dating eggs in the online basket because of your monthly subscriptions and the promise that you will meet the love of your life…PLEASE keep the proper perspective on this method, it is only ONE way to meet decent available singles. (for those who are married and are using these sites, and think it’s noble to mention that tidbit of information upfront in your pursuit to just ‘give you a chance,’ – well, you deserve everything coming to you.)

But for those who are sincerely seeking to meet quality matches – beyond what the site generated for you, please follow these simple steps to at least ENJOY the exhaustive process:

 

Your Profile Picture:

  •  Now, Fellas:  taking into account that some features we were born with are just that way, but is it too hard to at least try to look as though you realize this picture is your first impression?  I understand the mindset, “well, she’ll have to love me for me,” but combing your hair, wiping the sleep the out of your eyes, and SMILING, can go so much further in catching the eye of your potential matches.

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Even this guy took the time to comb his hair, but  who wants to see clutter on top of his fridge? Oh, and the skill with his partials should saved for the third date...
Even this guy took the time to comb his hair, but who wants to see clutter on top of his fridge? Oh, and the skill with his partials should be saved for the third date…

 

  • Ladies:   If you want to attract the men of substance, please take care of the pictures you’re putting out there:

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Side-note, my mother told me once that if I didn't find the right shade of lipstick, my lips would look much like this...so no, the "pouty" look doesn't work for everyone...
Side-note, my mother told me once that if I didn’t find the right shade of lipstick, my lips would look much like this…so no, the “pouty” look doesn’t work for everyone…

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The Profile Content:

  • Speaking of ‘PMS,’ if my potential offline clients decide to continue their online dating subscriptions, before taking them over to our online department, I usually like to read what they have posted, if any (because many do not even fill out their profile portion), before revision. Here is a sample of why (this gentlemen is not our client unfortunately, but Oh, how our services can help him! <insert misspelled words and poor grammar here>) 

 “Give my Tires a Kick: you women over 40, you say you want a great guy, but you don’t seem to know if you’ve lived over 40 you have wounds and you go on and on and blah, blah, blah, always talking about your problems, well us guys have problems,too and you want a guy with money, well I’ve been on this site for awhile and many of you are still on here, so you don’t know what you want, so all I’m saying is give me a try….”

 

I wish I could say this was made up, but unfortunately it’s not.

When completing your profile, if you are not good at doing it, ask someone who likes writing and can showcase you as your best you – not perfection, but your human-ness.   That realness is what people want.  

The following will not get you anywhere:

“No psychos, druggies, addicts or drama queens. Looking for the one.’

 

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Let’s talk more about that last sentence:  “Looking for THE ONE.”

Friends, I encourage you to delete that line from your profile if you have it. Why? Well, of course you’re looking for the one – that goes without saying that almost everyone of the millions who resort to online is looking for “the one.”   

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However, that doesn’t have to mean that you miss out on great people.  People who clearly have interests that vary from yours, but that each of you can grow to respect.  Like I told my husband, when he shared with me (before we dated), that his niece signed him up on a popular dating site, and he mentioned his anxiety over it, ” For crying out loud, Bob, it’s coffee! You’re not marrying the person!”

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Although my company also caters to those who have online subscriptions, I personally become biased against it when I see perfectly wonderful people – friends included, suffer anxiety, being overwhelmed with the sifting through, and even depression from rejection from these sites. It’s so important to have a healthy mindset about online dating – it serves as a way to meet people.  Maybe for coffee, perhaps a show, but not with the pressure that either that one date is the one or no one dates you!

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I encourage you to recognize the emotions within that online dating is posing for you and re-evaluate what that may look like when you are ‘winking,’ ‘flirting,’ ’emailing,’ and posting your profile.

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Some of the best success stories from online dating, that result in marriage, took time to set aside to connect and or search, to actually set time for a date (with no expectations other than having fun), and going to the next date (as in multiple dates with other candidates) and all deciding which of the dates stood out as one where the person could see forever with the person.  And, just keeping it extremely real friends, that usually is decided when sex is not in the mix.  Unfortunately, after sex, at least for women, it clouds fair and mature judgement.  So unless you are on hook-up sites, please refrain from having sex with the candidates.

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 Again, if you need assistance please ask someone, or you can contact us and we can either give you tips, advice, or completely alleviate the pressure of the online dating experience, by using either our offline service or our discreet Cupid Secretary service.  As our goal is to help rid the pressure of the searching, your job is to enjoy the journey fully.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phMpTMJ7wJ0   Watch the video and see more ‘dating woes’!  

Happy dating!

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Love,

Shakira “Arikah” Baly-Jensen, Founder, Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking 

and a kiss for good measure!
and a kiss for good measure!

 

Want to be one of the first to try the upcoming dating app, Two Ships?  Like us on Facebook;   http://www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking 

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