Tag Archives: lasting love

When Marriage Became More Than Paper to Me – Part 1

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The fairy tales that ended with “and they lived happily ever after,” represented some sort of cruel, sick joke to me once I reached my late teenage years.  All around me, and I mean in the tabloids and media, I was seeing people getting divorced for reasons varying from “falling out of love,” financial gain/loss, just not in agreement, and finally infidelity, that I truly didn’t see the point of why two people would even want to commit themselves to each other.

I saw it as a way to further muffle the woman’s voice, who was supposed to be helpless, unassuming, and a domestic demi-goddess to be able to look good and handle the household without complaining.  And since there were always several kids in this kind of family, she was always ready to have sex because she wanted more and more kids. If she was called “self-sacrificing,” that meant she was a martyr that was everything to everyone, whenever and however they needed her.

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I saw it this way until I wanted a relationship.

In the deep abyss of my mind, I, at least, knew the concept of marriage meant a vow to be with the other person for rest of each other’s lives;  to have each other’s backs, and as much as I opposed marriage, I wanted someone to want to vow to be with me for the rest our lives.

As crazy and as wild as my life was, one thing stood true – as I kept chasing after unconditional love in all the wrong places and the wrong people, I really didn’t know how to give the kind of love I wanted, because I didn’t know how to receive it.

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I don’t mean this in other people, because yes, there were some wrong choices there, but there were also some great people out there who cared deeply for me. (That didn’t mean they were “the one”).

In fact, I remember qualifying candidates as “the one” because we got along great and they seemed nice, but until I realized me own pattern, within 3 months, we hit turmoil and usually quickly it was over.

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No, when I say I didn’t know how to receive it, I mean, in a Higher Power kind of way.  (Now before I lose you, let me explain!)

I knew there existed a Higher Power who ‘loved’ me, but in this world, I felt I had to fend for myself.  I had to make a way for myself, provide for myself (even when I was sleeping in my car and eating mayo/sprouts sandwiches), and I definitely had to figure out who can love and accept me with all my imperfections, and many a night I spent in the arms of a new lover trying to find it.  However, I was still quietly suffering from bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts. I was raped several times.  I compromised my own dignity in order to have a relationship, more than once. And although I wanted this ‘imaginary perfect person,’ my own measuring stick of qualifying candidates ranged from making excuses for them (saying things like, ‘who am I to judge?’) to they better love me, warts and all – but be easy for me to love.

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Somewhere in there, in my search, I bypassed all the people who were telling me what I should do and I decided to delve further into my knowledge of God – mind you though, that was by happenstance because really I had just prayed, “Ok, God, I have nothing to show for my life, so you can take it now!” (which, by the way means something totally and wonderfully different to God, I believe!) Without meaning to, after being graced with “cords of human kindness,” who wanted to help me without return of favor but out of sheer joy and even protected my dignity, who extended help without my having to perform or just be “on,” but because it was it was on their hearts, really, it was too much for me during this humbling time.  I even prayed that God stop it because I didn’t know how to handle “so much love,” I prayed.  These were people who first showed a love that was one of respect and integrity.  The romantic love had to be on hold during this time, because honestly, I was a mess and still didn’t understand or recognize a love that meant respect for another being in a selfless way. More than that, I didn’t know why anyone would want to do things for the sheer joy of helping someone else.  I was still doing things for others because 1.) It made me feel good in a way where I was a good person to help someone else, meaning that eventually, I would be thanked or recognized in some way – if even cosmically; 2.) I felt I had to and with everyone being a part of a charity, not only could I get a tax break, but be called a philanthropist and 3.) somewhere in me I felt I should do it.  But more times than not, I never intentionally went out of my way to help or love others. And once I became a Christian, Heaven help those that didn’t ‘agree’ with my understanding of God. Regardless, I had enough problems of my own, and didn’t want to involve myself with others – yet, I still wanted a relationship.

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So, in reflecting how marriage became more to me, I believe it came somewhat in this order:

1.) I had to understand the type of Love I wanted – even more than that, the Source, and who really set the standard of the type of Love I yearned for;

2.) I had to demonstrate that love in a way where I did not expect to have it reciprocal, but because I was willing to do so for the sheer joy of it;

3.) I had to learn about boundaries – mine and others, and learn how to respect those.

4.) I had to be open to the concept of forever be forgiving of others and take responsibility without feeling shame when I asked for forgiveness

5.) I studied again the dictionary definition of the word ‘love’ and what the biblical standard of ‘Love’ if, and than set out to see if I could see it demonstrated on a consistent basis between two people who professed their love for each other.

Let me just add, I DID see it! I saw so many husbands loving their wives, while still being ‘men,’ and fathers to their children. I saw their wives stand majestically beside them, respecting them and encouraging them.  I saw it over and over again. I saw how when they were apart from each other, that wasn’t their time to rip apart their spouse and complain of their spouse’s shortcomings. I saw the mutual respect they had for each other to strengthen each other.  I saw them show respect for the vows they made to each other and before God. I witnessed them growing together in their walks with God to impact and encourage others.  Their children were polite and loving.  Trust me, for a moment I thought I was in a bizarro world, but it was right there in Los Angeles – of all places, and then again in Franklin, Tennessee.  Only because I saw it over and again did I believe it was achievable. So I made up my mind that I was going to have that.

(to be continued) – Forcing My Dreams of Marriage to Match My Vision – Part 2

Hugs, Peace, and truly love,

Arikah, Founder, Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking (www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking)

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Can you relate to this apology video?

The dating app and interactive comedy sitcom, based on a true story – (mine and Bob’s) where you choose the adventures the couple must make, Is coming up and we need your participation! Like and get notifications on our Facebook page  and follow our Youtube channel, Love Support (to see an online dating submission video!).

To see the show previews, click here.

NEVER ALONE VOW AND PURPOSE

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Not ever again!

I, ______________________ believe that my perfect significant other is now with me.

 

I vow that today I will concentrate my thoughts for 30 minutes saying a small prayer of his or her day.

 

I understand that my perfect significant other will be the exact person I truly believe of myself, therefore I will spend 30 minutes per day, allowing myself to evolve to be the type of person I need to be, to be in a loyal and loving committed relationship/marriage.

 

This includes being quick to forgive and listen, and being slow to anger and to speak.

I will understand before I try to be understood.

I will master the art of laughter and finding humor in things.

I will care for my body, mind, spirit and health, and present myself as the best me I can be, just as I expect my other to present him or herself as the best he or she can be.

I understand that from overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks, so I hereby vow to find the best in situations.

I vow that voids and heartbreak from past relationships are filled before my significant other comes into my life as a relationship.

I understand that I can not nor will not ever change a person, so the relationship I am in is one where I take responsibility for my own actions and my perfect significant other takes responsibility for his/her actions.

I understand that before my significant other will appear, I will have these promises to myself in order and practiced with full faith.

I am clear in my desired goals and my significant other matches those same goals.

I understand love is an action word and not based on emotions, but choices.

I understand I CHOOSE to be patient when I say I love my other, I Choose to be kind and not boastful or envious or easily angered.  I choose to be gentle and encouraging, protecting and believing, always hoping, and never failing my other person.

 

I no longer feel the need to search for my other because my other is present and here, however will be revealed when both of us are able to appreciate each other – without any manipulation from me or him/her. Therefore I pray over my significant other that obstacles be moved from both us, strength is restored, and protection from harm.

The actions I do today are with the mindset of my perfect other and are more positive actions to strengthen our bond for the day we meet and build together.  As we build together, I will always hold true these vows, and will respect, honor, love, and cherish my perfect other as my partner does the same.


I sign this vow, repeat it daily and commit it memory.

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If you would like to join our Two Hearts Offline Secret Conference Call group:

  1. 1.) like the Facebook page, http://www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking  and put SCG on the page
  2. Friend request me (www.facebook.com/arikah.nash.5) and message me
  3. (The group is Secret and cannot be found otherwise. )
  4. Conference call is set early in the morning, however the recording can be listened to until the next day.

The conference call is The group where in confidence (discretion) and respect, callers from our phone call can share, post,  strengthen and encourage each other in finding love, being content with their singleness, or get ideas to improve their own relationships.  This group is an action group/ group therapy-type setting, which allows for those who seriously desire to be with their significant other to take active steps towards doing so, or to encourage those build a solid, loving and loyal foundation. (That is my mantra)

Today – Know and Believe, you’re Never Alone

Love you in Spirit!

S. Arikah Nash Baly-Jensen, Founder, Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking, Two Ships Dating App

http://www.twoheartsoffline.com ,

two.hearts2share@gmail.com

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When You’ve Messed up So Badly, You Think You Can Never Be Loved

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Lydia* (* names changed) was ready planning for hers and Trevor’s* new life until she discovered by chance, his marriage wasn’t over, but in fact very much “loving.”  When she decided to end it and his wife found out, the barrage of hate calls towards her began from the wife, their friends, and his children, leaving her battling stress, depression, and her personal view towards God.

Am I crazy to think she can be forgiven and find true Peace and then her True Love?

Another story is one where Jake*, a young assertive businessman whose success was rapidly growing at exponential speed. He was accumulating many things and was enjoying the attention he was getting from the company’s bigwigs. One night, after a party at the local upscale restaurant, Jake, having a few too many to drink, lost control of his car and hit a mini-van carrying a mother and her two small children.  The impact killed the mother instantly. Jake lives constantly in torment and agony of the accident,  and finds it hard to believe the family would ever forgive him, though at times, he’s wanted to contact them.  He didn’t believe in God, but questioned that if he were real, why would He allow the mother’s death?

Jake can also be forgiven and receive the Peace he seeks.

Although these are two separate stories, the result of shame, guilt, despair, and unforgiveness still tend to stifle individuals when it comes to bonding in romantic relationships, and only those who connect the two prove to have an amazing track record in finding their true love.  Isn’t it true that all anyone wants is to be loved, cherished, and respected; understood and accepted?  A client of mine has many affirmations posted on her walls, which calls for the chanter to pull the strength from within, but if a person’s mind is negating the statements, (such as, “You are worth it,”) the mind has nothing solid to draw from, so it disagrees  – which tend to lead to the destructive choices people make, made ever so clear in matters of the heart.  Where can you draw from?

First off, knowing and understanding that even though you may not believe in God, there is nothing damaging in studying how He is said to describe love, which is actually what we all want:

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I say all this to say that even when you mess up, there is someone who claims to love you – right way – and gives you the freedom to choose to love Him back.

And from that Perfect Love of forgiveness, you will begin to feel from your heart that forgiveness, and that other people follow that same way of life, which leads to the open door of being able to love the right way and receive love the right way. This work is what is necessary in building the HEALTHY foundation for a loving, loyal and committed marriage.

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In short,

You are Worthy to be Loved.

There really is someone out there you were made for.

Allow yourself to accept that Perfect forgiveness, but take the time to admit your mistakes and take responsibility. The circle of influence your actions affect, expand past your immediate field of vision.  Accepting the mercy and forgiveness God gives has the power to positively affect into future generations.   th (2)

Then study the actions of unconditional love, (which is not being a doormat).

The work you do now in planning forever will help you find the one you were made for, instead of wasting time with those who are satisfying emotional and sexual needs, just to end in heartache. Is that what you want?

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If you need advice or a friendly ear, please contact us at Two Hearts.  We are passionate about making sure that every couple matched is done in a way for a loving lifelong commitment in marriage.  Modeled after how Jesus loves, we have witnessed countless success stories, and now, adding daily with our services by matching healthy, stable couples. Beyond that, it’s simply prayer to match the right ones with each other! (That’s the secret)

This blog was much needed and had to be said, so to give those caught in their minds that they are unloveable.

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Peace, Love, and Blessings to you!

And Happy Dating/Companion Building!

S. Arikah Baly-Jensen, Founder Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking and Two Ships

http://www.twoheartsoffline.com

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