Tag Archives: health

When Marriage Became More Than Paper to Me – Part 1

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The fairy tales that ended with “and they lived happily ever after,” represented some sort of cruel, sick joke to me once I reached my late teenage years.  All around me, and I mean in the tabloids and media, I was seeing people getting divorced for reasons varying from “falling out of love,” financial gain/loss, just not in agreement, and finally infidelity, that I truly didn’t see the point of why two people would even want to commit themselves to each other.

I saw it as a way to further muffle the woman’s voice, who was supposed to be helpless, unassuming, and a domestic demi-goddess to be able to look good and handle the household without complaining.  And since there were always several kids in this kind of family, she was always ready to have sex because she wanted more and more kids. If she was called “self-sacrificing,” that meant she was a martyr that was everything to everyone, whenever and however they needed her.

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I saw it this way until I wanted a relationship.

In the deep abyss of my mind, I, at least, knew the concept of marriage meant a vow to be with the other person for rest of each other’s lives;  to have each other’s backs, and as much as I opposed marriage, I wanted someone to want to vow to be with me for the rest our lives.

As crazy and as wild as my life was, one thing stood true – as I kept chasing after unconditional love in all the wrong places and the wrong people, I really didn’t know how to give the kind of love I wanted, because I didn’t know how to receive it.

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I don’t mean this in other people, because yes, there were some wrong choices there, but there were also some great people out there who cared deeply for me. (That didn’t mean they were “the one”).

In fact, I remember qualifying candidates as “the one” because we got along great and they seemed nice, but until I realized me own pattern, within 3 months, we hit turmoil and usually quickly it was over.

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No, when I say I didn’t know how to receive it, I mean, in a Higher Power kind of way.  (Now before I lose you, let me explain!)

I knew there existed a Higher Power who ‘loved’ me, but in this world, I felt I had to fend for myself.  I had to make a way for myself, provide for myself (even when I was sleeping in my car and eating mayo/sprouts sandwiches), and I definitely had to figure out who can love and accept me with all my imperfections, and many a night I spent in the arms of a new lover trying to find it.  However, I was still quietly suffering from bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts. I was raped several times.  I compromised my own dignity in order to have a relationship, more than once. And although I wanted this ‘imaginary perfect person,’ my own measuring stick of qualifying candidates ranged from making excuses for them (saying things like, ‘who am I to judge?’) to they better love me, warts and all – but be easy for me to love.

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Somewhere in there, in my search, I bypassed all the people who were telling me what I should do and I decided to delve further into my knowledge of God – mind you though, that was by happenstance because really I had just prayed, “Ok, God, I have nothing to show for my life, so you can take it now!” (which, by the way means something totally and wonderfully different to God, I believe!) Without meaning to, after being graced with “cords of human kindness,” who wanted to help me without return of favor but out of sheer joy and even protected my dignity, who extended help without my having to perform or just be “on,” but because it was it was on their hearts, really, it was too much for me during this humbling time.  I even prayed that God stop it because I didn’t know how to handle “so much love,” I prayed.  These were people who first showed a love that was one of respect and integrity.  The romantic love had to be on hold during this time, because honestly, I was a mess and still didn’t understand or recognize a love that meant respect for another being in a selfless way. More than that, I didn’t know why anyone would want to do things for the sheer joy of helping someone else.  I was still doing things for others because 1.) It made me feel good in a way where I was a good person to help someone else, meaning that eventually, I would be thanked or recognized in some way – if even cosmically; 2.) I felt I had to and with everyone being a part of a charity, not only could I get a tax break, but be called a philanthropist and 3.) somewhere in me I felt I should do it.  But more times than not, I never intentionally went out of my way to help or love others. And once I became a Christian, Heaven help those that didn’t ‘agree’ with my understanding of God. Regardless, I had enough problems of my own, and didn’t want to involve myself with others – yet, I still wanted a relationship.

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So, in reflecting how marriage became more to me, I believe it came somewhat in this order:

1.) I had to understand the type of Love I wanted – even more than that, the Source, and who really set the standard of the type of Love I yearned for;

2.) I had to demonstrate that love in a way where I did not expect to have it reciprocal, but because I was willing to do so for the sheer joy of it;

3.) I had to learn about boundaries – mine and others, and learn how to respect those.

4.) I had to be open to the concept of forever be forgiving of others and take responsibility without feeling shame when I asked for forgiveness

5.) I studied again the dictionary definition of the word ‘love’ and what the biblical standard of ‘Love’ if, and than set out to see if I could see it demonstrated on a consistent basis between two people who professed their love for each other.

Let me just add, I DID see it! I saw so many husbands loving their wives, while still being ‘men,’ and fathers to their children. I saw their wives stand majestically beside them, respecting them and encouraging them.  I saw it over and over again. I saw how when they were apart from each other, that wasn’t their time to rip apart their spouse and complain of their spouse’s shortcomings. I saw the mutual respect they had for each other to strengthen each other.  I saw them show respect for the vows they made to each other and before God. I witnessed them growing together in their walks with God to impact and encourage others.  Their children were polite and loving.  Trust me, for a moment I thought I was in a bizarro world, but it was right there in Los Angeles – of all places, and then again in Franklin, Tennessee.  Only because I saw it over and again did I believe it was achievable. So I made up my mind that I was going to have that.

(to be continued) – Forcing My Dreams of Marriage to Match My Vision – Part 2

Hugs, Peace, and truly love,

Arikah, Founder, Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking (www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking)

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Can you relate to this apology video?

The dating app and interactive comedy sitcom, based on a true story – (mine and Bob’s) where you choose the adventures the couple must make, Is coming up and we need your participation! Like and get notifications on our Facebook page  and follow our Youtube channel, Love Support (to see an online dating submission video!).

To see the show previews, click here.

How to NOT Make the Holidays Lonely as a Single Person

The Holidays don't have to be lonely with proper planning.
The Holidays don’t have to be lonely with proper planning.

The Holidays; usually a time of peace and love and good-will towards man, but can often be the most loneliest time of the year for some.  However!

(there’s always that Ray of Hope that I intend to always shine on my readers, as my own selfish pleasure!)

With the proper planning, YOU do not have to be caught off-guard feeling that hole in your chest.  The first part is properly managing your SEROTONIN levels.

1.)  Very important, how are your vitamin D levels?  It’s no secret that in the winter, the sun’s hiding has made many people suffer from seasonal depression.  Many times, the difference between smiling and not is just a boost to your levels.  Your physician can check them out.  If you’re like me, who doesn’t really have a physician, per se, I simply only had to monitor my dietary intake to know that I needed an increase in Vitamin D.

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2.)  As your workload/hours increase, plan on a way to have a definitive down time.  Many, many people find that their workload is in crunch time as more consumers are spending in various industries.  It is just as important to have a set and scheduled time to take a deep breath and relax.  Think of it this way, you are only the best YOU you can be when your cortisol levels are lowered (the adrenaline that helps you kick in it into high gear).  Things that I do (being a work from home mother of an active toddler, 2 active businesses, business meetings, serving clients, and then making sure to be the wife I’m need to be);   I have a 20 minute Epsom soak bath for myself once per week, I workout in my living room, and make sure to have a massage session at least once per month.

3.) Sleep PatternsIt’s all about the Serotonin-  Again, for many people during the winter season and holidays, because there is a slight dip in serotonin,  many people find that they are more prone to either sleep more (due to depression from the low serotonin levels), chronic fatigue syndrome or suffer the other extreme – insomnia.  During this time, not only does the correct dietary intake positively affect the levels, but positive mantra-type chants as affirmations prove to be more than just words, but actually changing your thought patterns.

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4.) Extend kindness –  Here’s something worthy of comment: If you deal with the public in your business in any way, planning on quenching the fires of angry customers is the definition of true kindness. Anyone can be nice to someone who is nice to him/her.  And you already know customers will be testy. Planning on “killing them with kindness” will put you at ease and prep you when their heads and fingers wag in your face.

'...I'm lookin' for the book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'!'

5.) Plan and set appointments for yourself for 15 minutes of laughter DAILY.  Although I don’t think explanation is needed here, just see above at the first 4 reasons why (hint: it starts with a “sero” and ends with “tonin.”)

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6.)  Time with Friends  – Time with NEW friends here, or those who you don’t get the opportunity to hang with, but mean to.  And do different things! Ice skating, skiing, Specialty International food dining, or just hot cocoa and a brisk walk can do wonders for yourself and the other person

7.) Make gifts – don’t buy a thing!  – Whoa, what?  Yep, I said it.  Save your pocketbook and the temptation to overspend and perhaps make candles, soaps, knit, scarves, etc. for gifts and start passing them out.  Just a hint;  Many, million-dollar businesses have started with simply crafts. Just saying..

8.)  Plan on having change for the Salvation Army Bell Ringers- Even seeing these volunteers, we tend to be callous and desensitized to the fact that they are people and they are choosing to stand in the cold for a cause. Having change in your pocket to give when you go out will surprisingly make you feel good to know you are making a difference.

9.) When you are out in public, SMILE! Make eye contact and Smile!  If misery loves company, why on earth would anyone want to share company with a miserable person?  Aren’t you attracted to people who smile (it doesn’t mean that you have to marry the person or ask the person to birth your children), but for someone to actually smile… That’s usually the first way a fulfilling love can happen.

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Now, here’s my heart for you and something I want you to truly take to heart :  You ARE Worthy.  You are Precious. You are Valuable.  Your life DOES matter.  In the good times and when you go through changes or struggles, you STILL matter. Your Overcoming is Inspiring.  You have already been through so much, and yet you keep going.  THAT’s Inspiring.

And though you may not feel worthy, priceless, or inspirational, that doesn’t mean it is true.  With or without your feeling these things, there is a Lord who professes this fact. A Lord of order and Peace and not one to bash, belittle, or demean, but to encourage, strengthen, and show favor upon.  I have been witness to many things; horrible marriages, abusive relationships and the such, even when they mistaken do this in the name of the lord. I used a small “l” because that’s not the Lord.  I have seen the Power of a strong, lasting, loving marriage whose bond, or glue rather, is the Lord the couple made the vows before.  I have seen, and now personally experiencing, how each person in the marriage resolve conflict.

Many times, this enlightened person started with alone times during the Holidays, and fervent prayer not for their Dream Guy/Girl be sent to them randomly, but instead praying over the very person they will be with; praying over his/her day, etc.  This isn’t fantasy.  This is actively preparing yourself to not only be in love and receive it, but to give it.

So on that note,

number 10.) Pray for your unseen mate and the day that he/she may be having, and that wherever in the world you are, you both are able to recognize each other when you do meet.

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Love, Peace, and Smiles to You,

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Shakira ‘Arikah Nash’ Baly-Jensen, Founder Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking

We are taking pre-order subscriptions for the App, Two Ships.  Go to the http://www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking and like the page to be given the invitation and instructions.  Beta-testers wanted.

Also, if you would like to try out our services, give us a call at 615.422.5079 or email us at two.hearts2share@gmail.com.  Trust me – you can afford it!

P.s.  I don’t know much, but I do know this…..th (2)

Is it Really True Love You’re Finding Online? Pt. 2

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I know I’m coming across humorous, however, it really is unfortunate when users of the online dating sites interact with (or just don’t find) matches. The normal result is throwing their hands in the air in disgust and swearing off love – which is NOT in line with what their minds say.  What plays out is a nasty inner turmoil that displays itself as depression, bitterness, sardonic or critical behavior, and isolation from the outside world.

So taking the time to present yourself as the best you, you can be, is vital.

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AGAIN...Update your photos; no photos of photos!

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Please note; answering questions in this manner will also reject your application from Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking

Ok, scratch that. Perhaps presenting photos in social gatherings or environments may work best for some people.  Leave the quirky behaviors on the sites that are set apart for specialty dating sites.

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nope..not good enough.

They might be a scammer if:

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It is very important to take the time to know how scammers work on online dating sites.  Actually, this is one of the reasons I added this service to my company despite my own feelings of “internet love.”  I knew anyone who is paying for subscriptions on these sites need to have our Cupid Service to help them cut through the clutter.  We do background checks on all “potentials” and work in a way filter through the unwanted.

There are specific sites to further assist you in spotting matches that will be moot.  Here are just a few tips for you, though to better arm you:

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e789728afc38ee82beb753f0f142613d 1. Many sites are free to join 2.) Background checks are rare (Not so with Two Hearts!)   and 3.) Naive or unaware users

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It’s so important that take note, pass this along to friends who may be using online dating, although the scammers want money, they will go through an unguarded vulnerable heart who desperately wants love. I became wise to this working with one client, who is older.  Her “potentials” are very quick to mention love, or wanting her to get a Yahoo account to 1.) “chat more quickly” 2.) “start doing videos”  and 3.) Their account was closing soon so please privately email them. They would tell my client these things within the first 5 minutes of initial interaction, and the emails would mention things like the following:

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For men they use these pictures to lure them:

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There’s nothing scarier than the picture below for my clients and online dating users.  And this is why we are passionate about our service.

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This may not be new to you.  However the number of scammers with online dating grows rapidly each day.f637df74c79ae7cb9f345ad405c77e8c

And when asked, even though the scammers took their money, what hurt the most was the heart being dashed and the embarrassment, when the victim finds out the amour was fake. I’m seeing this daily and usually have to clean up the mess to rebuild trust again.

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If you need assistance in regards to romantic matchmaking or advice, please contact us at http://www.twoheartsoffline.com and we’ll be happy to serve you. There’s no reason for you, if you are emotionally healthy and your lifestyle is in order to welcome a love, that you should not be with your love.

Happy Dating. Remember to lead your hearts. Or better yet, allow God to usher you to your chosen one. At least the heart will be fully taken care of.  th (11)

Also remember,

Do not arouse or awaken love before it is time.

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And if you haven’t already, men go here to see if your picture is one that is being tagged as a scammer

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=Male+Scammers+Photos+Recent&FORM=IRBPRS&crslsl=0

Ladies, go here : http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=female+Scammers+Photos+Recent&go=Submit&qs=n&form=QBIRMH&pq=female+scammers+photos+recent&sc=0-26&sp=-1&sk=

Much Love, Peace, and Respect for you,

S. Arikah Nash Baly-Jensen, Founder of Two Hearts

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