This is just a quick interruption to share this ideology about the “being in a committed relationship where the word “love” is passed around and then posting when that same person makes you angry,” syndrome.
Someone very close to me did just this. Posted her wedding pictures last year, professed to love this woman with her soul -the woman doing the same – and yesterday, she posted a few posts about how although she “knows hate is a strong word, she’s beginning to hate this woman” and then in another post listing a lengthy paragraph of how this woman had no right to involve her facebook friends and so because she did, she would, in turn post her business on her wall.
She may read this (and to protect her identity, from my readers) and unfriend me, but hopefully not before reading this short post.
Regardless of views, lifestyles, or opinions, in any relationship where the word “love” is exchanged between each person, there has to be an understanding of what respect means.
We are all human, and we all, not only make mistakes, but naturally, are selfish – which means others will be hurt by our actions, lack of action, and decisions, and/or our indifference, many, many times within our lives (you know, the exact reason Jesus died – oops compelled to throw that in there, since I do believe Jesus died for us when we were at our worst so that we may have a chance to see and be with him in eternity). We have to work to be the qualities we want from others (kind, patient, gentle, respectful, not envious, etc).
Anyway, back to my… example. Keeping in mind that we will hurt one another within a committed relationship, it is NEVER helpful to post your drama on Facebook. Ever.
Yes, I am very emphatic about that.
My mantra is about establishing mutual trust and respect to have a long-lasting loving relationship. Posting about the dynamics of your relationship so that your ‘friends’ have the opportunity to ‘side’ with you, or fuel the angst, only adds more separation between the very one you claimed to love. (Luckily, enough of her fb friends were urging her to delete the post, but how often do you hear that?)
This really does seem like common sense, but I’m guessing in the heat of the moment, that’s the only ‘out’ the uncontrolled posting person has.
A few posts back I posted about the disagreement my husband and I had and how angry we were. My doing so was intentional – I’m a relationship coach and wanted to share – in the heat of the moment, there will be points when we all have a decision at the fork in the road when we are angry at our significant other, and the choices we make will either build up or slowly chip away at the foundation the couple vowed to have. I hoped that it helped my readers. Notice that I never posted what the problem was (because I don’t remember!)
There’s so much more I can say on this, but it may drone on for those who will see this as obvious. PLEASE, for the love of everything good and wonderful, do NOT post your anger or feelings on facebook if you profess to love the other person.
Here is a free idea for what you can do instead: Create an email account, when you’re upset, post your anger there. if you need the reassurance or comments, email me at email@example.com, or go to the Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking (www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking) and request to be put in the secret call group – created specifically for those who need encouragement when they want to vent online about relationship woes. (Hey, who knows what the Super Bowl parties will bring? Being prepared to maintain your own respect, if not the respect of the one you claim to love, will go further when you’re prepared and not deflated….ok, sorry for that one.)
Based on the above research no one wants to know your business – and it makes you look like an immature, unstable, angry maniac who is incapable of keeping and maintaining a relationship past the superficial niceties. (p.s. I would never tell my clients that directly – I’ll just save it for here.)
S. Arikah Nash Baly-Jensen, Founder, Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking