A long time ago, I had a very good friend who found Jesus the same time I did. We understood heartaches, trauma, and overcoming. We were like peas in a pod and really didn’t think of looking at each other in any other way but through a platonic friendship.
But one evening, when we were sitting in his car after a bible group meeting, I remember (vaguely, but I do remember some things), crying about feeling unloved and unattractive to men. I poured my heart out to him and being the good friend he was, he listened.
Then he said , “Shakira, one day you’re going to find a man and he’s going to be lucky to have you. He’s going to love you and you’ll see you’re worth it!”
Well, and if you didn’t know where I was going with this, I immediately thought he was talking about himself, so suddenly, the “scales fell from my eyes” and I started to like him. A lot. I mean…… – a lot. And unfortunately, it was one sided. Yep, I took words from a friend and made them – no, molded and forced them to be something they werent.
As a matter of fact, I told everyone in church he was going to marry me and be mine. I told God (bwahah) that he was husband and to go ahead and make it happen. I remember calling him in the middle of night one night to say something (important to me, but really drama!) and hearing him say, “Shakira, you’re scaring me. Are you drunk?”
Ok, lesson learned – friendship forever ruined. WRONG WAY – FAIL! Bye Felicia! …
A few years later, I went to live on the other coast and attended the singles group. All the women were very close knit and comfortable and secure with the men to go out on dates, hang out and just be friends. A new guy came in to the mix and all us women were checking him out. He was sweet and attractive and fun. He and I went out on a date which was at the gymnasium he taught at and it consisted of jumping in a pit of foam balls. IT WAS CRAZY FUN!! But I didn’t really pursue him. In fact, another friend of ours in the group had her eyes on him and in so many words made clear that she was going after him. I don’t remember her carrying on like I did, but I do remember it just being implied. I think because we all loved each other, the women rallied around her to encourage it to happen. We prayed over her (and him unbeknownst). I remember her doing little things for him, giving baked gifts to him. They went out on a few dates and during that time I moved again. The next thing I knew there were wedding announcements. They are still together with two kids and are strong for each other.
Both of us women are Christians, but I believe her maturity spiritually, socially, and mentally allowed her to not speak about her conquest before getting counsel, prayers, and confirmation. I simply stated what I wanted and set about to loudly make him love me – which is why I put that picture above. That’s probably how I came across. My friend, on the other hand, was able to control her emotions enough to not question him, but get to know him and stay in prayer. Her friends, who she trusted, gave her great advice and served as her sounding board.
Many women over 28 – no, 35… no 43,… ok 50, swing in the pendulum of all or nothing. Either there are no guys around to consider, (many times meaning there’s a bit of loner-ism to them) or they settle for the worst possible choice.
I even had a client who enjoyed her online dating experience because although she did want to marry one day, she wanted to enjoy herself out on a date. When she finally did meet the man she would later marry, she made the comments of why they were waiting to exchange nuptials. She proposed to him! Five years later, they’re still married strong.
Why not get a little bold – with self-control?
Yes, I was humiliated, but the awesome news is we’re all married to our chosen ones, without regrets. Although the friend and I no longer speak, I’m so incredibly grateful he wasn’t the one. As my own marriage grows and my husband and I get to know each other each day, I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Is there anyone you’ve had your eyes on?
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