Tag Archives: Casual sex

FWB ????

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Recently, I’ve been helping match a male client out in Oshkosh, WI – which hasn’t been easy especially since more and more eligible women who make known they are looking, say they don’t want anything serious (especially since some are already married), but they are advertising themselves to be a ‘friend with benefits.’

Help me out, What’s the benefit, here?

  1. Sex, where money isn’t directly exchanging hands
  2. Companionship, where the money may not exchange hands, but better make many, many appearances.
  3. Secrecy (out of guilt or shame if exposed)
  4. More of a risk (in ways) because the person can’t commit
  5. They’re advertising, for crying out loud
  6. Perhaps addiction is prevalent? (sexual or relationship)

And why were people scared, appalled, and even suicidal when the Ashley Madison site was hacked? What’s the difference?  Weren’t they a ‘friend with <the above listed> benefit?’

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But why are the sayings, ‘there aren’t any good (men/women) out there to love,’ and ‘Love is meaningless’ a surprise? Why do these same people want someone who is kind, patient (with them), loyal, self-controlled in many areas, and ‘non-judgemental’ (towards their actions)?

These are truths that only the individual can answer, but I wanted to look a bit further about the ‘Friends with Benefit,’ scenario.

  1. As exciting as the sex is the first two and half months, by the third month, you will want one of two things;
    1. more of a relationship and not a be a booty call – (but the other ‘friend’ won’t,) or
    2. To End it
  2. The person will be unavailable or just not able to love you the way you feel loved, when you really want to give more of yourself intimately with someone you trust.
  3. The Trust Factor will be tested
  4. You assume that the person would be careful to not catch an STD, since you’re not the only ‘friend’ having ‘benefits’ with the person
  5. You assume the person would at least tell you BEFORE you ever have sex (and be honest with you) that they don’t have an STD
  6. You assume this ‘friend’ wouldn’t selfishly sleep with you when they knowingly have an STD.
  7. The friend wouldn’t be available when you want him/her because they’re out ‘not being tied down to you or any relationship, but making new ‘friends.’
  8. More expectations will be demanded of you, or the ‘friend’ that neither are able or willing to reach
  9. The hope of finding something more worthwhile with someone is slowly being chipped away.

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Wow..Now what’s the difference in benefits between this and just paying for prostitutes?

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Even though the future also sees more people moving towards simulated/robotic ‘friends,’ I can assure you, when a person starts being a person that they would want to share their forever with, their eyes will be opened in the sense of not wasting time with those who offer ‘benefits,’ because they will have the real thing.

The full loathes honey, but to the poor, even what is bitter tastes sweet.

A counselor I went to one time told me this old proverb. After seeing the puzzled look on my face, he further explained:

“Those who were filled up with love when they were children and given a sense of who they are, don’t need the sweet talking words of someone will come along and ‘charm them.’ But those who lacked this and was always yearning to fill that void, if they walk past a construction site and get whistled, that fulfills some inner void of acceptance within them that wasn’t filled.”

Yep, I was offended, because I was ‘the poor.’

But the only way I could change that was to start with my truth (I wanted love and was willing to accept anything just to feel loveable) so I could get to the truth (Because I have a God who loves me more than I can imagine, I deserve more than the insecure, non-commitment losers who only wanted to have sex with me and nothing more. He showed me I was worth dying for, and the plans laid out for my life are to prosper me and give me a hope and future.)

And while it’s easy to say, ‘whatever works for you,’ believe me, I’ll take the comfort of knowing that my FRIEND stands by his vow to love in sickness, health, and in good days, and days when my deep ugly inside show. And that I can kiss on the mouth without hesitation, and have cuddle moments, and have our times when we just say, “You know, I’m so proud/grateful of/for all you do. I love you so much!”

I invite you to reconsider, just food for thought, that a FWB is really a SWD (sucka with drama).

Why don’t you contact us here to help you find your one?  Each applicant is regarded with respect on a case by case basis. Feel free to share on Facebook to those you think this can help – according to the recent bug, I get lots of views, but even more is better! 😉

Exhale.

For your Peace of Mind,

Your Relationship Coach

When Marriage Became More Than Paper to Me – Part 1

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The fairy tales that ended with “and they lived happily ever after,” represented some sort of cruel, sick joke to me once I reached my late teenage years.  All around me, and I mean in the tabloids and media, I was seeing people getting divorced for reasons varying from “falling out of love,” financial gain/loss, just not in agreement, and finally infidelity, that I truly didn’t see the point of why two people would even want to commit themselves to each other.

I saw it as a way to further muffle the woman’s voice, who was supposed to be helpless, unassuming, and a domestic demi-goddess to be able to look good and handle the household without complaining.  And since there were always several kids in this kind of family, she was always ready to have sex because she wanted more and more kids. If she was called “self-sacrificing,” that meant she was a martyr that was everything to everyone, whenever and however they needed her.

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I saw it this way until I wanted a relationship.

In the deep abyss of my mind, I, at least, knew the concept of marriage meant a vow to be with the other person for rest of each other’s lives;  to have each other’s backs, and as much as I opposed marriage, I wanted someone to want to vow to be with me for the rest our lives.

As crazy and as wild as my life was, one thing stood true – as I kept chasing after unconditional love in all the wrong places and the wrong people, I really didn’t know how to give the kind of love I wanted, because I didn’t know how to receive it.

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I don’t mean this in other people, because yes, there were some wrong choices there, but there were also some great people out there who cared deeply for me. (That didn’t mean they were “the one”).

In fact, I remember qualifying candidates as “the one” because we got along great and they seemed nice, but until I realized me own pattern, within 3 months, we hit turmoil and usually quickly it was over.

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No, when I say I didn’t know how to receive it, I mean, in a Higher Power kind of way.  (Now before I lose you, let me explain!)

I knew there existed a Higher Power who ‘loved’ me, but in this world, I felt I had to fend for myself.  I had to make a way for myself, provide for myself (even when I was sleeping in my car and eating mayo/sprouts sandwiches), and I definitely had to figure out who can love and accept me with all my imperfections, and many a night I spent in the arms of a new lover trying to find it.  However, I was still quietly suffering from bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts. I was raped several times.  I compromised my own dignity in order to have a relationship, more than once. And although I wanted this ‘imaginary perfect person,’ my own measuring stick of qualifying candidates ranged from making excuses for them (saying things like, ‘who am I to judge?’) to they better love me, warts and all – but be easy for me to love.

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Somewhere in there, in my search, I bypassed all the people who were telling me what I should do and I decided to delve further into my knowledge of God – mind you though, that was by happenstance because really I had just prayed, “Ok, God, I have nothing to show for my life, so you can take it now!” (which, by the way means something totally and wonderfully different to God, I believe!) Without meaning to, after being graced with “cords of human kindness,” who wanted to help me without return of favor but out of sheer joy and even protected my dignity, who extended help without my having to perform or just be “on,” but because it was it was on their hearts, really, it was too much for me during this humbling time.  I even prayed that God stop it because I didn’t know how to handle “so much love,” I prayed.  These were people who first showed a love that was one of respect and integrity.  The romantic love had to be on hold during this time, because honestly, I was a mess and still didn’t understand or recognize a love that meant respect for another being in a selfless way. More than that, I didn’t know why anyone would want to do things for the sheer joy of helping someone else.  I was still doing things for others because 1.) It made me feel good in a way where I was a good person to help someone else, meaning that eventually, I would be thanked or recognized in some way – if even cosmically; 2.) I felt I had to and with everyone being a part of a charity, not only could I get a tax break, but be called a philanthropist and 3.) somewhere in me I felt I should do it.  But more times than not, I never intentionally went out of my way to help or love others. And once I became a Christian, Heaven help those that didn’t ‘agree’ with my understanding of God. Regardless, I had enough problems of my own, and didn’t want to involve myself with others – yet, I still wanted a relationship.

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So, in reflecting how marriage became more to me, I believe it came somewhat in this order:

1.) I had to understand the type of Love I wanted – even more than that, the Source, and who really set the standard of the type of Love I yearned for;

2.) I had to demonstrate that love in a way where I did not expect to have it reciprocal, but because I was willing to do so for the sheer joy of it;

3.) I had to learn about boundaries – mine and others, and learn how to respect those.

4.) I had to be open to the concept of forever be forgiving of others and take responsibility without feeling shame when I asked for forgiveness

5.) I studied again the dictionary definition of the word ‘love’ and what the biblical standard of ‘Love’ if, and than set out to see if I could see it demonstrated on a consistent basis between two people who professed their love for each other.

Let me just add, I DID see it! I saw so many husbands loving their wives, while still being ‘men,’ and fathers to their children. I saw their wives stand majestically beside them, respecting them and encouraging them.  I saw it over and over again. I saw how when they were apart from each other, that wasn’t their time to rip apart their spouse and complain of their spouse’s shortcomings. I saw the mutual respect they had for each other to strengthen each other.  I saw them show respect for the vows they made to each other and before God. I witnessed them growing together in their walks with God to impact and encourage others.  Their children were polite and loving.  Trust me, for a moment I thought I was in a bizarro world, but it was right there in Los Angeles – of all places, and then again in Franklin, Tennessee.  Only because I saw it over and again did I believe it was achievable. So I made up my mind that I was going to have that.

(to be continued) – Forcing My Dreams of Marriage to Match My Vision – Part 2

Hugs, Peace, and truly love,

Arikah, Founder, Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking (www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking)

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Can you relate to this apology video?

The dating app and interactive comedy sitcom, based on a true story – (mine and Bob’s) where you choose the adventures the couple must make, Is coming up and we need your participation! Like and get notifications on our Facebook page  and follow our Youtube channel, Love Support (to see an online dating submission video!).

To see the show previews, click here.

Like Attracts Like vs. Opposites Attract

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I wasn’t exactly sure which of the topics to choose as February proved to be a very busy month for me, I think it’s best to continue to talk about developing a healthy relationship.

After speaking with a few clients, a common thread I came across often was being asked the questions about being attracted to an “opposite” person versus finding someone who “too much like them.”

“Should I find someone who is unlike me?”

“Maybe we’re too much alike and won’t get along.”

In all fairness, though, it’s important to know what IS your opposite.

It’s also important to keep in mind that ‘opposites that attract,’ on a deep core level, never guarantee that they will stay together.

I usually answer this question by describing to them, that those that share the same core values – down to how they believe communication between them as a couple should be conducted – is one that promises a lasting, thriving relationship.

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Only on a superficial level. That’s it…
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I know this is Aluna George, I just thought the pic was fitting.

It’s common to find relationships that start with frustration occur because one is ‘healthy’ (in terms of giving and receiving love) and the other is lost, confused, and toxic – but is attractive or alluring enough to convince the healthy person that they are capable of love (which usually only amounts to carnal, erotic lust).

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However, I am seeing more of a trend with singles – Christian and otherwise – who are desperately looking for love, so much so that they don’t even realize they’ve lost the joy of just dating.  I reminded one of my clients that interrogating a date on the first two dates is too soon to put them in the category as a prospect.  Until that person has proven themselves – in the little things you’ve noticed (when they don’t know you’re watching – but not staring) those things that you truly admire, relate to, understand, and allows for a safe, trusting atmosphere where both of you can be vulnerable, open and intimate with before sex is brought into the picture, then and only then will you understand and be grateful that like attracts like.  Does that makes sense?  You will attract the best version of yourself.  If you are attracted to bad boys, and by bad, I mean the philanderer, the one with rage, abusive, disrespectful – if that is your cup of tea, understand what you are reflecting is also toxic, and you will never change him.

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If you’re attracted the women who seem like they are the ‘damsel in distress’ (pretty much victim-minded), you will find that you will be in competition with herself and her reasoning as to why she doesn’t deserve you, how she likes the bad boys, and how not only how she has done many things, but more than that, how many people have tortured her.  I’m not in any way belittling anyone who has been victimized and hurt by the actions of others, I’m simply saying that those same women are not for you because they are not at their best self.  And regardless of what they say, if this describes them, they will never fully reach their best self in a relationship.  Is that the opposite you’re referring to? I had to remind another inquirer that, until she can appreciate the love he was wanting and ready to give, she hasn’t earned the place in his heart to be wondering if she is the one and asking what he should do.

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I know that no one wants to be alone.  I think, however, many times people make up excuses to be with the ‘wrong for them person that they don’t realize at the time’ just to fulfill sexual desires and cover the void they may feel, and so these ‘opposites attract’ sayings give rise.  It’s only after the person is hurt deeply from their choices that they finally understand that maybe they should rethink that saying.

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THIS is the ONLY TRUE time when like does not attract like

Remember these points to find your “like”

  1. RELAX – You’ll never really know if you two are in sync until you realize to just allow a date to just be a date. Don’t be quick to qualify the person.
  2. Smile.
  3. Start small conversation with others
  4. GO OUT.  If it’s to the park, a coffee shop, the library, anywhere there is people,
  5. Be intentional to at least try to converse and compliment two people of the opposite gender (regardless your preference). This will get you out of your shell and go beyond ‘just prowling’ or waiting to be picked up.
  6. Practice asking people out for a quick lunch or coffee
  7. DO NOT SINGLE OUT ANY ONE PERSON as THE one until
    1. You are able to do something that would guard their heart from being hurt from rushing too quickly into a relationship with you, i.e. if you go out on dates and you know the other does not be honest and share in the beginning.
    2. It is absolutely apparent not only to you on a deep gut level but this person has openly shared they want to exclusively be with you.
  8. Before moving on to the exclusivity, it is DIRELY recommended that both of you take a ‘Dating Gauge’ type test.  I offer this service to clients where both take a confidential compatibility date to make sure both of you have the same goals and intentions for the relationship.  I cannot stress enough how much this has helped from potential disasters from happening.   Email anyone on staff at two.hearts2share@gmail.com or me personally at arikahnash@gmail.com.  “Like” us at http://www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking

Happy Dating!!!!

Love and Peace,

S. Arikah Nash Baly-Jensen, Founder, Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking and Two Ships

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Solid, Loving Relationships DOES NOT EQUAL Frequent Sex and Total Agreement

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Sure it’s exciting to have your sexual side titillated, your breath both hot and heavy. But call it what it is – a romp. Once you do, then you’ll stop complaining when “it doesn’t work out.”

This year, I want to ask of you a huge favor – PLEASE pass it on to your “seeking, lovesick” friend that just because he/she had sex with that hot (or even average looking) person twelve times already within the past five nights, that doesn’t equal “love.”  A sex life comparable to rabbits maybe, but not love.

That just because your friend knows where ticklish spots are and can name all the moles, tattoos, and hair on that person’s body, that doesn’t mean they were meant for each other.

That just because the two like long walks on the beach, like to travel, enjoy a dinner and movie, dancing, or volunteering at their local church doesn’t mean they qualify as the couple that will be there for each other when (not, “if”) the storms of life in relationships occur.

Please help them to minimize heartache and heartbreak (there’s a slight difference) this year by helping them to call it what it really is – an enjoyable time with another person that wasn’t meant to be longer than 3 months. (Even though I was being really generous there, I’ll even venture to say 6 months.)

Yep, Lust has a time limit.

The creator of this scene is quoted to say, "I am not the product of my circumstance. I am the product of my decisions."
The creator of this scene is quoted to say, “I am not the product of my circumstance. I am the product of my decisions.”

Why? Because even the most ‘surface-y, superficial’ person is fearfully and wonderfully made and deeply desires unconditional love.  This goes even deeper and beyond “loving” someone past warts, unwanted hair, bad breath and bad cooking. This is where your core beliefs, which usually are established from your childhood, come and take a life of their own.

I’m going to share this in terms of a marriage.

For example, a newly married couple (anything under 4 years) are having a hard time seeing eye-to-eye about what it means to express and demonstrate their love.  He, being straight-laced and quiet, believes when he sends her text messages professing his love, he is showing her love daily. She, more gregarious and lively, believes he needs to plan dates, wine/dine and woo her, every weekend.  He was raised that the husband provides a roof and try to lighten the stress  of the wife and be the “Head servant,”  however when asked what that word meant to him, he admittedly answered he didn’t know.  She was raised with the belief that marriage could fail at any time, so husbands must fervently tend to the marriage. At least when the wife is tending the family and home.

Both confess to love each other, but really, how they decide to handle the above situation is what will strengthen or destroy their relationship. How can I say that? Well, it all goes back to how they view one thing, the core belief – what marriage means to both of them.

Let’s be real here. More and more, people are becoming anti-marriage, but it’s not because it doesn’t work.  Some marry, I’m told, because there are tax breaks and benefits.  Some marry to escape their environment or circumstance.  As a matter of fact, I could be here naming off a few for a bit, so I’ll just make this into a list and you tell me if these ‘marriages’ are based on terms that are lasting.

– to spite another person,

– to inherit material items

– to control another person

– to ensure loneliness doesn’t come in their lives

– to make headlines

– to have what they think as non-stop sex

– to have someone home waiting for them, (and add to this one, while they are with someone else)

– to “lock in” playful and fun times with another person

– to give their children a parent

– to have a live-in babysitter, and/or maid

– to beat their biological clock

– to prove they are worthy

– to have children

– to keep up with religious standards and timeframes

– to keep up with secular timeframes and standards

– to ensure someone will always be in agreement with however or whatever they decide to live their lives

– to have the “daddy” or “mommy” they never had

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What’s so scary is that, I am sure, you as the reader, can think of other reasons to add to the above list.

These days are and will be more difficult to find true love on the fly.  My point is simply this: until a person, who truly wants a committed and loving relationship, can be real with what his or her owns reasons are for feeling ready for a committed relationship, that person will only get non-serious, non-committed people.  No matter how much your friend loves that wart on that cutie’s back or the bunion on that beauty’s foot.  A person has to ask him or herself, and be able to answer, the hard questions of what he or she truly believes.

Next week’s blog, Some Core Belief / Value Questions that MUST be Answered to Have and Find a Successful Relationship. (I’ll probably shorten the title.)

Tell your friend to read my blog and to send questions if I can help.  Or, you can for yourself. Remember it’ll be my opinion, but it’ll always be your ultimate choice to take the advice – just like for your friend when you see him or her get into relationships that you can see from a mile away a heartbreak is inevitable, and when it does, your friend throws out the whole idea of love with the bath water. Until the next time, and so the cycle continues.

Love is more than this and can be found and savoured.  Only the wise (not the smart – but wise and yes, there is a difference) find it, and once it’s found, it’s rich, juicy, and everlasting.

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I’ve seen it too many times to not believe that.  I’ve been promised that from my Maker to not believe Him.  And, although my husband and I have our own take displaying our love, I’m happy to say we’re living it.

sparkplug flat-prong-plug:  Want to have a FREE month of my personal matchmaking service and lots of great gifts?  There are two contests going on found on http://www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking.  1.) Sign up and buy the month service for an already deep discount before the 16th and be placed in the drawing for an extra month, and/or, 2.) post your own most creative 30 second video of YOUR definition of Love. Those videos with the most “likes” wins! (no porn, nudity, or videos in poor taste will be accepted.  It’s too bad I have to put that, but again, that’s the world we live in.  Keep it clean!)

Love, Peace, and Happy Dating to you!

Shakira “Arikah” Baly-Jensen, Founder Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking and Two Ships Dating App

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More on Finding “True Love” from Online Dating Sites Pt. 1

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***This blog series will contain strong language and images for mature audiences only. The following images are not real clients, or images taken from dating sites, but are used to carry the point. ***

One of the departments Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking has, is an Online Cupid Secretary, which not only leverages time and energy for our clients to find dates more suited for them across the country, but it also helps prevent being scammed by online dating scammers with its background checks and methods saving our clients hundreds of thousands of dollars, broken and dashed dreams of infatuation, and time and energy.

So, we decided to elaborate a bit more on profiles dos and don’ts and how to keep from being scammed yourself.

Some will be a repeat from an earlier blog, but it truly bares repeating if you intend on going the online dating route.

Part 1.  Pictures

Hair –  Don’ts

1.) Please – Try not to cover your face with your hair.  Remember this is for the first impression for someone to consider you as their very own sweetheart.

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As beautiful as it is please resist the urge to cover your face.
As beautiful as it is please resist the urge to cover your face.
Ummm...? Well the good news is she has bills AND coins for toll booths..
Ummm…? Well the good news is she has bills AND coins for toll booths..

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Facial hair

Please look as trim and as presentable as you can be. Remember, not perfection, but the best YOU you can be.

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About HATS

Don’t wear them!  If you are going to wear hats, make sure there are enough pictures to actually see your face. It’s ok to say that you’re a hat guy/girl, just please limit them for your profile pictures – and choose them wisely…

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The last picture can also fit in this category –

Update your pictures!

You may have been a hunk or a prom queen back in the day, in all fairness, if you are already presenting yourself incorrectly, that is misleading.  A person will love you regardless of how you use to look, so join him/her in the present day and make your profile pictures show you in the present day, not going any further back than two years (unless you there are drastic changes in your appearance including weight loss/gain or any noticeable cosmetic surgery.

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Make-up –

Ladies, less IS more and applying it correctly is even greater.

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The Half-naked Shots on dating sites other than hook-up sites

one word – WHY??

What never ceases to amaze me is reviewing profiles that want the serious relationship, yet, the images they choose are those that really say, “All the commitment of a bar, without the hassle of driving home drunk.”

Beloveds, if there are half-naked shots in the profile, “hooking-up/one night stands/and peep show video-ing” are sure to follow. I implore you to please guard your heart from settling for these online dating users – unless you want to end up showing your privates to someone across the country, and there’s no true commitment made. With the selfies craze, unfortunately, the sense of preserving oneself for a true love is becoming more rare. However, it is a quality that other successful users subconsciously look for in choosing a forever mate.

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The above picture is also meant to share how important your background is so, please have your background perfect – and away from mirrors in case the mirror shows a dirty room.

Regarding Fish photos

It’s great, fellas, that you are proud of your catch, however, to put in perspective, many females must scroll through many many pictures of men proudly showing their catch, but here’s the secret – unless the woman is proficient in that activity, (or is worried she may not eat,) posting those pictures are not there for her, they’re there for you – which should not be.  Send those to those who have expressed an interest in fishing. (of course, this is primarily for those men in the south where it is predominant.) Instead, think of creative pictures to post to catch her eye:

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Fellas, this beats your fish trophy pictures hands down..

Cut Photos with other people (namely your ex) in them 

NO…Stop being lazy, take new pictures.

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gone with the wind

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Honestly, there were so many categories this picture could have fit, but it’s a nice segue to the next topic regarding pet pictures…

Regarding pictures with your Pets.

Pet lovers ….. it’s great to show that you have and love your pets, however, if you show that they have a place in your daily life that is … a bit much, you may not attract the type of person you seek, so please simply go easy on the pet pictures on sites that are not specifically for finding pet lovers.

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For in the next blog, I will discuss other photo no-nos And how to avoid being scammed.

Guarding your hearts and wallets,

Shakira Arikah Nash Baly-Jensen, Founder of Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking

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http://www.twoheartsoffline.com

http://www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking  – (to be a beta-tester for the upcoming dating app Two Ships)

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Are You Willing to Take the 30 Day Purity Challenge To Save Your Heart?

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I recently read a fb comment that said there was a tv show showing graphic sex scenes and she gave a brief description of it.  Another comment said that the sex scenes didn’t bother her as much, but the graphic violence was what was making her have a hard time viewing. She was talking about another tv show.

 

Now starting off, I need to say I haven’t seen these shows – and make no apologies or excuses for doing so. I wouldn’t go to ‘Scandal’ parties.  I’ll admit, I’m a Flintstones girl instead of Jetsons; “The Andy Griffith Show” girl instead of “American Dad.”   As a matter of fact, as I listen to various friends speak of these shows and movies in full detail, I usually just quietly nod my head and become more grateful that I hadn’t, although when I do share with others that I don’t watch these shows, they look at me with pity, or shocked that they could meet someone who hasn’t indulged in this movement.  They usually comment about out of touch I am with what’s popular and “in.”

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Regardless, I’d like to share with a list that I (and others who do not view things like these) as entertainment :

  1. I am able to properly take responsibility for my own actions in my marriage
  2. I am more forgiving to others – chiefly, my husband, when he makes mistakes without having him have to ‘pay’ for it
  3. I am able to identify situations and people that may possibly create the drama I avoid.
  4. I can easily spot other healthy, stable-minded (in terms of a relationship) men and women who think the same.
  5. I have attracted (and married) a man who I, not only trusts with my life, but who trusts me with his, together doing actions of Peace towards each other, that will only strengthen our bond, including pray together.
  6. There is a sense of purity that I strive to maintain so that I can easily respect others regardless of how they respond to me

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Perhaps that’s why we (collectively, as a general public) miss those days of ‘innocence’ in relationships.

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What would happen if you allowed yourself 30 days without?

 

Thirty days without watching anything above rated G, including news, movies, sitcoms with sexual situations.

 

For those who HAVE taken this challenge already they have reported

  • to be less stressed
  • to get more restful sleep
  • to enjoy outdoor activities
  • To have less stress driving
  • Less Health issues
  • Boosted esteem
  • Better appreciation for others
  • Reduced the usage of swear words
  • Had a happy more positive day
  • Less arguments with partners; less break-ups

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Is watching two glamourous people, who always appear in perfect physique – is watching them simulate a meaningless sexual, usually adulterous affair, worth lacking the above ?   Are you really that loyal to the tv networks to keep the ratings up?  Did you know that if you want to find that special someone, if you ‘ban’ the shows that display anything BUT lasting committed relationships, you will begin to see more of a shift in the shows and movies that depict more of how to find and be healthy in relationships?

It all goes back to respect of self and others.. 

Do you accept the challenge?

 

Join the Facebook page, tell your friends, and let’s support the health of relationships.

www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking

All About Sex? So, How’s Your Search in Finding True Love Going?

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I think it’s wise to start with the question first, “What is it that you truly want for yourself?”

Listening to the Think and Grow Rich call this morning, it was read that one of the things written in Dr. Napolean Hill’s was only those who know want they want out of life get it.  A caller even mentioned that in an interaction between two people the one with the stronger will, will win out.

What does this have to do with the casual sexual relations among dates and dating?  Many people say that they want true love and someone to love them for them, yet in the same breath either discover too late that they had given the gift and privilege of themselves to undeserving others, or, they speak of satisfying their own “urges.”   Really it all boils down, what is it that you truly want?

“Oh, that’s easy for you to say, and that may work for you, but if I don’t, they think something is wrong with me.”

“Girl, I am just a sexual being – you get me?”

“Hey, a guy / girl ‘s got needs.”

“Well, yeah I love God. I still want the nookie.”

“I’ve got a high sex drive.”

“Hey, anything that will get a girl to have sex with me, I’m willing to say or legally do.”

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I was thinking of the dear widows and widowers I know, young and older, and realized they never spoke of satisfying these urges. Instead they would speak with respect, of their departed.  Sure they mention of wanting to be in a relationship, however, they would speak in a way to love the person.

Again, I noticed that it all boiled down to respect of themselves and others.

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It’s funny how we (or the audience does) boo and laugh at the people on the talk shows or court shows or in the tabloids and shake our heads in disgust when they advertise how their sexual lives and infidelity are shameful.  But is it shameful because it’s out in the public or because they are doing it?

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Perhaps, in the search of finding our “true love,”  we can actually be the type of person with the type of values and morals we want to attract, or at least act as though we are being watched? One thing I’ve learned is that whatever is done in the dark, will eventually have light shed on it.  Sooner or later in some shape or form, it will be revealed including our mistrust of another.

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Being celibate just for the sake of being celibate, does not work.  I mentioned to a friend that for 8 years, I lived a celibate life because I thought it was the proper thing to do since I became a Christian.  For a while, I was fine, but I think when it started to get to the point of my boasting of my own efforts of remaining celibate that I started to become weak.  I started looking at married men and lusting after them – not so much for the sex, but because I wanted to have that kind of man to father my future children.  I remember confiding in two co-workers and friends of my growing libido.  That was when they suggested that perhaps I should consider seeking help, especially since it was dominating my thoughts and mind. (We’ll talk about this story in a future blog.)

“Well, that’s you and that’s them. I’m sexually healthy.”

Just a side note, are you in the relationship that you want? That you dreamed of?

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Some suggestions;

  • If you pray to God to send you someone to love and one who loves you, please act like it.  Does God give second best? Does He match others when they are not at their best? And by “best,” I do not mean perfection, I mean your priorities are right, and you are living your life as though you are preparing your home (which is your heart) for a peaceful life – confronting or dealing with past hurts and baggage and any unforgiveness.
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  • If you pray to God, are you praying for God to send someone to you or are you praying over your future spouse. Before meeting Bob, I was in a toxic relationship that I knew in my heart was not for me.  Up until then, Bob was trying to get a membership to the gym I worked at (where we met), but there was always something preventing him from doing so including flat tire on the day he was coming, forgetting about coming over instead of usingi the one he was currently using, and him being presented with another deal from that gym he was using.  He said that the one I worked at had a particular machine that he liked that the other didn’t have so he knew he wasn’t going to stay where he was. It wasn’t until I listened to that tiny voice and broke off things with that relationship, that on Feb. 1, a couple of weeks later (making sure that my past relationship was good and out of my life, maybe?) that he was able to get membership to the gym where I worked. He had seen me first, and finally on the afternoon of February 14, was when he approached me – as a client.  (Of course, because he was a client, neither one of us ever knew or planned that we would be in holy union. Yet individually, we both were praying to Jesus and ready to find someone to love).  Once we dated, then were engaged, I literally felt as though I was being ushered by the hand spiritually, into Bob’s arms.
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  • Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.     If you’ve been following the Ravens’ Ray Rice happenings, you’ll know that a video of him being on the elevator with his, at the time fiancee, and he punched her square in the face, knocking her out.  She had since married him, and although in the recent pictures that have surfaced shows her either looking down, tight jawed, or just with a sullen expression, she tweeted that she will continue to stand by her husband,  (with him being suspended) and that this was her unconditional love, and to please respect her, her daughter’s, and husband privacy.  He had since reported that his wife a strong and supporting woman. Who knows but them, what happened behind closed doors throughout the span of their relationship?  I don’t and don’t pretend to know, however, it is so common to see couples where one is getting secretly abused, either verbally, physically, or emotionally, yet because of giving into sex pre-maturely, their hearts are bound and devoted to their abuser.  Just a question – is that love?  Is that the kind of love you are seeking?  Who is giving the unconditional love – her or her husband?
  • “So are you judging? I don’t want to judge anyone!”

Judging comes in two forms; 1.) condemning someone for some kind of act they committed and 2.) using proper filter and wisdom.  For example, if you knew that a pedophile lived in your neighborhood, would you allow your child to be alone with this person?  You don’t need to condemn to decide which is right and safe for your child and which is not.

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Other suggestions:

  • Community – are you seeking life outside your own head? In order to properly have a healthy relationship, the right people in your life will look you square in the eye and let you know of a aura, or an energy, around that person that, once you’re bitten with the pre-mature sex bug, will be difficult to see.
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  • Meditation –  Are you focusing and being thankful that your perfect-for-you person will meet you?
  • Enjoying Every Life –  Are you enjoying all that life has to give and offer?

It’s so common to be swept up in the whirlwind of having to have someone to fulfill our needs, and yet once in a relationship, we wonder where it went wrong. If you haven’t received what you deeply wanted so far, perhaps going deeper into your plan of action is necessary. After all, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?   From this blog, I hope to communicate that perhaps reviewing our actions with our words to truly get our heart’s desire will be both necessary and rewarding.

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Love, Peace, and Respect to you,

S. Arikah Nash Baly-Jensen, Founder, Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking  www.twoheartsoffline.com

(Coming Soon – our dating app, Two Ships, to meet QUALITY people.  Like us on Fb to be one of our beta testers! http://www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking)

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