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How I Was Slowly, (un)Knowingly Killing Myself

It’s safe to say that 2016 was a horrible year for almost everyone.

Last year saw the deaths of numerous icons and loved ones – which any year that brings death can leave the living somber, just it was really bad last year.  

Last year, brought out the worst in people during elections, people who a person would least expect. Maybe I should just let this sit right here for a moment……

Last year, babies, children, and teens, were attacked just to get followers on social media.

Last year saw senseless racially motivated assaults and murders by people who, already having it hard to gain the trust, highlighted the worse, untrained, and racist among this group. It was a whirlwind, where a person didn’t know what to believe.

Last year saw multiple groups of people screamed at, terrorized, and bullied, all in attempt to silence their voices.

Last year saw MANY who, may not have been called hypocritical, but perhaps self-reflection and alone time, may tell them otherwise.

       “But what does that have to do with killing yourself!” you may have asked by (if you’ve read this far.)

Well, I was drinking shots of arsenic.

arsenic

In all reality, due to how one can be poisoned by actual arsenic, this is more real than you may think, and if you go through symptoms, you could be victim, too.  Consider this as a public service announcement.  (More information on how and the symptoms later mentioned.) For the sake of this article, I’m going to cover my arsenic poisoning figuratively speaking, (but I really do believe I’ve been literally ingesting it, too.)

Last year, I grieved reading about ALL attacks, murders, deaths – and only had an emoji to resort to, to express that.

Last year, friends, who I thought celebrated people’s various journeys, either cussed me out for not thinking like them or ‘indirectly’ made accusations based on my multi-cultural family.  My only option was to disengage on social media (which was actually refreshing!)

Last year, I took Bob to mediation, ready to sign divorce papers. Not for cheating, abusing me, or anything like that, but because he was so tired when he came home from work, we didn’t go out on dates like other couples.

Last year, I was battling guilty feelings for wanting my daughter to be self-sufficient and stop following me everywhere.

Last year, we hosted two teen aged students from China. One stopped talking to us because our choice in vaccination for our daughter, the other, who we spent more than required, still didn’t have enough to satisfy her material demands and to be her driver.

Last year, I made career moves that saw my business come to a complete stand still and my own colleagues negating my abilities.

Last year saw a client specifically name me in Yelp, as someone who did her harm, only to discover she really wanted the owner to call her back to get free sessions.

Last year saw me battling depression and anxiety to the Nth degree, to the point I was actually verbally abusive to Bob – for not being as discontent as I was feeling.

And the more I internalized the hurt, the more shots of arsenic I took.  That, and my diet consisted of arsenic.

eblind-eye

Jump to 2017.

The hope of a new year and new beginnings seemed to extend to everyone.

I was referred to a teaching position. Very new to me, and a bit exciting.

Bob had forgiven me and I, him and we’re closer now than ever.  

I limited my time on Facebook, blocked those that added nothing to my life, or changed the settings…

(it was slowly creeping back)

I read on the history of my culture and internally shook my fist at the injustice.  And was told to be silent in the healing process (personally, I think emotional healing shouldn’t be publicly announced during the process.)

This included the daily reading of the injustices happening everywhere on this planet, and realizing there were instigators who actually enjoyed riling people up.

(it was starting again.)

And now, I was starting to find it my duty to correct those who were forcing their personal ideologies on faith, government mandates, life choices down my throat – if they weren’t expecting it in return.  And to do that, meant that once again I was feeling a part of me die.

Jump to June 2017,

I had to have an emergency appendectomy due to the gangrene and inflammation coming from my appendix. The gangrene was spreading to my colon. It’s gone now, but I feel even more pain now.  Upon returning to the surgeon for a follow-up, (keep in mind, I was about to ask him something outside his scope of practice – which was surgery -which he did beautifully), why I was feeling this way if the “original” problem was gone. He could answer within his scope – there may be an abscess or the gangrene is spreading – and that I’d have to return immediately for another CT scan.  To remove more of my insides.

You see, I was raised loving people.  I couldn’t fathom how a person could just fester a hatred toward anyone. (And I’ll be honest and add something extremely unlike the Jesus I follow); especially if it wasn’t warranted by some direct heinous action of that person.  With every shot I took with my empathy, and wanting to prove myself – which, funny enough, was always online to people who were essentially just “letting off steam.” I wonder, if I actually met these same people face-to-face, actually had conversations, would the same entitlement be apparent.

I believe the body can heal itself, if given the right environment. With all my heart I believe that. I believe our thoughts shape our healing. If I don’t believe I’ll get better, or don’t know that the whole body acts upon itself, my actions will align with that. I would be fixing the symptoms and not the cause.   I physically could feel my body getting pinged.  

I believe in and follow Jesus. I love God and know he has no favorites. He loves us all. That’s why I believe He was showing the “arsenic” I was drinking.  Arsenic that bared the names, “Bitterness,” “Envy,” “Unforgiveness,” “Anger,” “Vanity,” and “Jealousy.”

Yes, I am currently doing alternative therapies to solve my problem, to add circulation to the areas internally lacking. But I am also throwing out my arsenic. (And though this won’t relate to some of you, my choice is leaving it at the Cross, and try really hard not to pick it up again.)

So, be honest, are you consuming arsenic? Do you feel depressed, fear, anxiety, caught up in the anger and vitriol (a word I learned last year)?  What needs to happen in your life to get you to throw it out?  Click here to see the symptoms of arsenic poison – which could very well be happening to you.

 

2017 ain’t over…..

3d-waterfall-live-wallpaper.jpg

 

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How I Was Slowly, (un)Knowingly Killing Myself

It’s safe to say that 2016 was a horrible year for almost everyone.

Last year saw the deaths of numerous icons and loved ones – which any year that brings death can leave the living somber, just it was really bad last year.  

Last year, brought out the worst in people during elections, people who a person would least expect. Maybe I should just let this sit right here for a moment……

Last year, babies, children, and teens, were attacked just to get followers on social media.

Last year saw senseless racially motivated assaults and murders by people who, already having it hard to gain the trust, highlighted the worse, untrained, and racist among this group. It was a whirlwind, where a person didn’t know what to believe.

Last year saw multiple groups of people screamed at, terrorized, and bullied, all in attempt to silence their voices.

Last year saw MANY who, may not have been called hypocritical, but perhaps self-reflection and alone time, may tell them otherwise.

       “But what does that have to do with killing yourself!” you may have asked by (if you’ve read this far.)

Well, I was drinking shots of arsenic.

arsenic

In all reality, due to how one can be poisoned by actual arsenic, this is more real than you may think, and if you go through symptoms, you could be victim, too.  Consider this as a public service announcement.  (More information on how and the symptoms later mentioned.) For the sake of this article, I’m going to cover my arsenic poisoning figuratively speaking, (but I really do believe I’ve been literally ingesting it, too.)

Last year, I grieved reading about ALL attacks, murders, deaths – and only had an emoji to resort to, to express that.

Last year, friends, who I thought celebrated people’s various journeys, either cussed me out for not thinking like them or ‘indirectly’ made accusations based on my multi-cultural family.  My only option was to disengage on social media (which was actually refreshing!)

Last year, I took Bob to mediation, ready to sign divorce papers. Not for cheating, abusing me, or anything like that, but because he was so tired when he came home from work, we didn’t go out on dates like other couples.

Last year, I was battling guilty feelings for wanting my daughter to be self-sufficient and stop following me everywhere.

Last year, we hosted two teen aged students from China. One stopped talking to us because our choice in vaccination for our daughter, the other, who we spent more than required, still didn’t have enough to satisfy her material demands and to be her driver.

Last year, I made career moves that saw my business come to a complete stand still and my own colleagues negating my abilities.

Last year saw a client specifically name me in Yelp, as someone who did her harm, only to discover she really wanted the owner to call her back to get free sessions.

Last year saw me battling depression and anxiety to the Nth degree, to the point I was actually verbally abusive to Bob – for not being as discontent as I was feeling.

And the more I internalized the hurt, the more shots of arsenic I took.  That, and my diet consisted of arsenic.

eblind-eye

Jump to 2017.

The hope of a new year and new beginnings seemed to extend to everyone.

I was referred to a teaching position. Very new to me, and a bit exciting.

Bob had forgiven me and I, him and we’re closer now than ever.  

I limited my time on Facebook, blocked those that added nothing to my life, or changed the settings…

(it was slowly creeping back)

I read on the history of my culture and internally shook my fist at the injustice.  And was told to be silent in the healing process (personally, I think emotional healing shouldn’t be publicly announced during the process.)

This included the daily reading of the injustices happening everywhere on this planet, and realizing there were instigators who actually enjoyed riling people up.

(it was starting again.)

And now, I was starting to find it my duty to correct those who were forcing their personal ideologies on faith, government mandates, life choices down my throat – if they weren’t expecting it in return.  And to do that, meant that once again I was feeling a part of me die.

Jump to June 2017,

I had to have an emergency appendectomy due to the gangrene and inflammation coming from my appendix. The gangrene was spreading to my colon. It’s gone now, but I feel even more pain now.  Upon returning to the surgeon for a follow-up, (keep in mind, I was about to ask him something outside his scope of practice – which was surgery -which he did beautifully), why I was feeling this way if the “original” problem was gone. He could answer within his scope – there may be an abscess or the gangrene is spreading – and that I’d have to return immediately for another CT scan.  To remove more of my insides.

You see, I was raised loving people.  I couldn’t fathom how a person could just fester a hatred toward anyone. (And I’ll be honest and add something extremely unlike the Jesus I follow); especially if it wasn’t warranted by some direct heinous action of that person.  With every shot I took with my empathy, and wanting to prove myself – which, funny enough, was always online to people who were essentially just “letting off steam.” I wonder, if I actually met these same people face-to-face, actually had conversations, would the same entitlement be apparent.

I believe the body can heal itself, if given the right environment. With all my heart I believe that. I believe our thoughts shape our healing. If I don’t believe I’ll get better, or don’t know that the whole body acts upon itself, my actions will align with that. I would be fixing the symptoms and not the cause.   I physically could feel my body getting pinged.  

I believe in and follow Jesus. I love God and know he has no favorites. He loves us all. That’s why I believe He was showing the “arsenic” I was drinking.  Arsenic that bared the names, “Bitterness,” “Envy,” “Unforgiveness,” “Anger,” “Vanity,” and “Jealousy.”

Yes, I am currently doing alternative therapies to solve my problem, to add circulation to the areas internally lacking. But I am also throwing out my arsenic. (And though this won’t relate to some of you, my choice is leaving it at the Cross, and try really hard not to pick it up again.)

So, be honest, are you consuming arsenic? Do you feel depressed, fear, anxiety, caught up in the anger and vitriol (a word I learned last year)?  What needs to happen in your life to get you to throw it out?  Click here to see the symptoms of arsenic poison – which could very well be happening to you.

 

2017 ain’t over…..

3d-waterfall-live-wallpaper.jpg

 

Brief Interruption: Love At The End Times – Literally

When You Can't Feel God

“Encourage my soul, and let us journey on.
For the night has come, and I am far from home.
Thanks be to God, the morning light is here.
The storm is passing over. The storm is passing over. The storm is passing over, Hallelujah.”

My husband and I were talking of the end times and sign o’ the times, which brought us to discussing current events. Many things are happening that even those hiding out in caves and crevices can clearly see this is the time like the labor pain days before birth. Where the earth tremors with moans and groans out of anguish for relief, justice, and ease of pain, torment, heartache, and hate.

My husband and I asked each other, what would we do? What DO we do?

“He did not bring us out this far, to take us back again.
He brought us out to take us into the promise land.
Though there’ll be giants in the land, we will not be afraid.
He brought us out, to take us into the promise land.”

Funny, we overheard a couple that went back and forth were one said that they would take militant force to fight back, while the other didn’t want to believe anything horrendous would ever happen within theirs or grandchildren’s lives, but swung back and forth between ‘fleeing to the hills’ or remaining blinded and/or in the dark – and these were ‘Christians.’

Why this makes a difference is belief in where our true devotion lies. Self? The Government? Our personal guns? Our savvy and intellectual charm? But what about the God we profess our faith to?

It brings to mind the days of Daniel. Or the days of Joshua and Caleb.

I bring this up, friends, because marriages and relationships are being divided over this very reason. I encourage you to reread the stories of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and (Joshua and Caleb). While you’re at it, look up Luke 21:5-36.

Be encouraged.

Will Long Distance Romance work?

canstockphoto5204353 ccf91496f2d1cc0fe6117b58b8b68eb1

Was the question I was asked.  My answer didn’t satisfy the probing person because she was considering it for herself with someone.

Here’s your answer:  It’s based on the individuals and the dynamic of the relationship.

quotes-about-long-distance-love

Favim.com-22267

long-distance

However, one where there the individuals have a spouse already – are you wanting me to say yes, just hold on to hope?

I can’t do that. I won’t do that.

I will say that if you start a relationship with someone who has a spouse long distance or right next door, you will be blinded to what a healthy relationship is, once the ‘excitement’ wears off.

If you want to find someone locally, contact us for help.  We can get you started with our Online Cupid Secretary Service and even offer an amazing trial run.

Happy Dating!

A Bit Annoyed – no, REALLY ANNOYED with People and Their Pickiness

Hypocritical+feminist+whenever+i+get+into+an+argument+with+a_54ea46_4407294

I’m more than a bit annoyed today – it’s actually PATHETIC that the SAME PICKY PEOPLE who have unrealistic “standards” don’t get that other people are viewing them THE SAME WAY – and they’re not even normal standards like, oh you know, can the person hold a job and is doing something worthwhile with their lives, is the person still with the spouse, has the person ever been in jail, but DUMB stuff…..You know, YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE SINGLE! Not everyone you meet is going to be your spouse, but you CAN do wonders to LEARN to build friendship and LEARN what that means. And get this, You DON’T EVEN HAVE TO SETTLE – You CAN meet amazing people who are just as Amazing as you think you are…wait..what? You can’t? Oh, well maybe if you get off the pedestal of perfection you placed yourself on and join the rest of the world, the blinders will come off your eyes.

I intentionally picked the images below to show you and ask you if this is what it’s come to – unnecessarily.  Do any of them show your attitude?  And this is all while saying God is in control..no, He’s not, you are – at least unsuccessfully trying to be and you’re ruining it for others out there wanting to truly meet quality people. Just admit you’re bitter and go get counseling to get over it.

Stop being such a hypocritical jerk, or get out of the dating pool!

With Love,

Arikah, your romantic date coach and matchmaker

Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking

p.s. yep, it’s one of those days in the business where the craziest and least likely people to be picky, are just that. And it’s not just for the women, men are there as well. I, unapologetically approve this message.

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too-picky (1)

too-picky

would-not-bang

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If this is you, fine, but quit complaining there’s no good people out there. Obviously your way hasn’t been working… You’ve just been too far removed from the scene to recognize it. Just food for thought…

54198609

Narrowing Your Search (Attracting Your Perfect One)

Unknown-1

Everyone who is pursuing love or, is honestly seeking long-lasting compatible love, it’s very important that they take the time to answer for themselves, questions BEFORE starting a relationship.

Ok, that’s not written in stone, but I can tell you of numerous success stories of those who knew what they wanted for themselves and in their partner when they did take the time to answer some deep questions.  It just saves everyone time.

beliefs2
Taken from Mohan Kumar’s post http://docmo.hubpages.com/hub/Teaching-and-Assessing-Attitudes

Even companies have a code in which they are built from and what the customer can expect.

There are many attractive, people and some who can charm their way into the lives of unsuspecting love-lorn dreamers, but those same attractive people never make it past acquaintance for those wise ones.

5335910_f260

These are just general questions to consider.  However, it’s VERY important to understand that regardless of your view or lifestyle, how you answer these questions truly do speak volumes in regards to the type of person you attract.

When working with individuals, I ask some of these and more direct individualized questions to properly assist the client.

man-in-love-clipart

  1. What level of commitment are you looking for?
  2. How do you define “being spiritual”?
  3. Do you see yourself as spiritual?
  4. How do you define God?
  5. Do you believe there is a need to have a relationship with a power higher than yourself?
  6. How do you define a committed relationship?

man-in-love

  1. Do you believe; it’s more important to be ethically sound or morally sound; or both or neither?
  2. What is your personal belief system?
  3. Do you believe your personal beliefs influence the outcome of your romantic relationships?man_in_love_1
  1. What do you believe the role of a husband is or should be?
  2. What do you believe the role of a wife is or should be?
  3. How do you define marriage?
  4. How honest are you, to yourself, in revealing the number of relationships you had being based solely on looks or hook-ups?

core

Hopefully this can scratch the surface into your own knowledge of yourself.

In the meantime, as I get over the sniffles, assist clients, and complete the auditions, rehearsals, and shows going on lately, I will be back as quickly as I can to continue this and get you ready to BOLDLY face February with both barrels loaded!

p.s.  My husband and I have awesomely resolved the differences.  Thank you for your comments and support from earlier!

Until later!

S. Arikah Nash Baly-Jensen, Founder, Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking and Two Ships

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You Core Values – (under construction)

minds_under_construction Signage Construction Sign

I had started the list, but decided to go with another approach.  Please note the goal is get you “Valentine’s Day Ready” to find and date your match by you already knowing what is it you are looking for.

A great article to refer you too is written by Mohan Kumar http://docmo.hubpages.com/hub/Teaching-and-Assessing-Attitudes  on how our beliefs are shaped.  I highly suggest reading.

In the meantime, here’s two dating videos for you. If you have any questions, let me know!

1.) https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10203536964128128&set=vb.1335294649&type=2&theater

2.) https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10203546969138247&set=vb.1335294649&type=2&theater