Category Archives: Dating Apps

When Marriage Became More Than Paper to Me – Part 1

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The fairy tales that ended with “and they lived happily ever after,” represented some sort of cruel, sick joke to me once I reached my late teenage years.  All around me, and I mean in the tabloids and media, I was seeing people getting divorced for reasons varying from “falling out of love,” financial gain/loss, just not in agreement, and finally infidelity, that I truly didn’t see the point of why two people would even want to commit themselves to each other.

I saw it as a way to further muffle the woman’s voice, who was supposed to be helpless, unassuming, and a domestic demi-goddess to be able to look good and handle the household without complaining.  And since there were always several kids in this kind of family, she was always ready to have sex because she wanted more and more kids. If she was called “self-sacrificing,” that meant she was a martyr that was everything to everyone, whenever and however they needed her.

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I saw it this way until I wanted a relationship.

In the deep abyss of my mind, I, at least, knew the concept of marriage meant a vow to be with the other person for rest of each other’s lives;  to have each other’s backs, and as much as I opposed marriage, I wanted someone to want to vow to be with me for the rest our lives.

As crazy and as wild as my life was, one thing stood true – as I kept chasing after unconditional love in all the wrong places and the wrong people, I really didn’t know how to give the kind of love I wanted, because I didn’t know how to receive it.

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I don’t mean this in other people, because yes, there were some wrong choices there, but there were also some great people out there who cared deeply for me. (That didn’t mean they were “the one”).

In fact, I remember qualifying candidates as “the one” because we got along great and they seemed nice, but until I realized me own pattern, within 3 months, we hit turmoil and usually quickly it was over.

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No, when I say I didn’t know how to receive it, I mean, in a Higher Power kind of way.  (Now before I lose you, let me explain!)

I knew there existed a Higher Power who ‘loved’ me, but in this world, I felt I had to fend for myself.  I had to make a way for myself, provide for myself (even when I was sleeping in my car and eating mayo/sprouts sandwiches), and I definitely had to figure out who can love and accept me with all my imperfections, and many a night I spent in the arms of a new lover trying to find it.  However, I was still quietly suffering from bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts. I was raped several times.  I compromised my own dignity in order to have a relationship, more than once. And although I wanted this ‘imaginary perfect person,’ my own measuring stick of qualifying candidates ranged from making excuses for them (saying things like, ‘who am I to judge?’) to they better love me, warts and all – but be easy for me to love.

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Somewhere in there, in my search, I bypassed all the people who were telling me what I should do and I decided to delve further into my knowledge of God – mind you though, that was by happenstance because really I had just prayed, “Ok, God, I have nothing to show for my life, so you can take it now!” (which, by the way means something totally and wonderfully different to God, I believe!) Without meaning to, after being graced with “cords of human kindness,” who wanted to help me without return of favor but out of sheer joy and even protected my dignity, who extended help without my having to perform or just be “on,” but because it was it was on their hearts, really, it was too much for me during this humbling time.  I even prayed that God stop it because I didn’t know how to handle “so much love,” I prayed.  These were people who first showed a love that was one of respect and integrity.  The romantic love had to be on hold during this time, because honestly, I was a mess and still didn’t understand or recognize a love that meant respect for another being in a selfless way. More than that, I didn’t know why anyone would want to do things for the sheer joy of helping someone else.  I was still doing things for others because 1.) It made me feel good in a way where I was a good person to help someone else, meaning that eventually, I would be thanked or recognized in some way – if even cosmically; 2.) I felt I had to and with everyone being a part of a charity, not only could I get a tax break, but be called a philanthropist and 3.) somewhere in me I felt I should do it.  But more times than not, I never intentionally went out of my way to help or love others. And once I became a Christian, Heaven help those that didn’t ‘agree’ with my understanding of God. Regardless, I had enough problems of my own, and didn’t want to involve myself with others – yet, I still wanted a relationship.

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So, in reflecting how marriage became more to me, I believe it came somewhat in this order:

1.) I had to understand the type of Love I wanted – even more than that, the Source, and who really set the standard of the type of Love I yearned for;

2.) I had to demonstrate that love in a way where I did not expect to have it reciprocal, but because I was willing to do so for the sheer joy of it;

3.) I had to learn about boundaries – mine and others, and learn how to respect those.

4.) I had to be open to the concept of forever be forgiving of others and take responsibility without feeling shame when I asked for forgiveness

5.) I studied again the dictionary definition of the word ‘love’ and what the biblical standard of ‘Love’ if, and than set out to see if I could see it demonstrated on a consistent basis between two people who professed their love for each other.

Let me just add, I DID see it! I saw so many husbands loving their wives, while still being ‘men,’ and fathers to their children. I saw their wives stand majestically beside them, respecting them and encouraging them.  I saw it over and over again. I saw how when they were apart from each other, that wasn’t their time to rip apart their spouse and complain of their spouse’s shortcomings. I saw the mutual respect they had for each other to strengthen each other.  I saw them show respect for the vows they made to each other and before God. I witnessed them growing together in their walks with God to impact and encourage others.  Their children were polite and loving.  Trust me, for a moment I thought I was in a bizarro world, but it was right there in Los Angeles – of all places, and then again in Franklin, Tennessee.  Only because I saw it over and again did I believe it was achievable. So I made up my mind that I was going to have that.

(to be continued) – Forcing My Dreams of Marriage to Match My Vision – Part 2

Hugs, Peace, and truly love,

Arikah, Founder, Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking (www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking)

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Can you relate to this apology video?

The dating app and interactive comedy sitcom, based on a true story – (mine and Bob’s) where you choose the adventures the couple must make, Is coming up and we need your participation! Like and get notifications on our Facebook page  and follow our Youtube channel, Love Support (to see an online dating submission video!).

To see the show previews, click here.

More on Finding “True Love” from Online Dating Sites Pt. 1

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***This blog series will contain strong language and images for mature audiences only. The following images are not real clients, or images taken from dating sites, but are used to carry the point. ***

One of the departments Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking has, is an Online Cupid Secretary, which not only leverages time and energy for our clients to find dates more suited for them across the country, but it also helps prevent being scammed by online dating scammers with its background checks and methods saving our clients hundreds of thousands of dollars, broken and dashed dreams of infatuation, and time and energy.

So, we decided to elaborate a bit more on profiles dos and don’ts and how to keep from being scammed yourself.

Some will be a repeat from an earlier blog, but it truly bares repeating if you intend on going the online dating route.

Part 1.  Pictures

Hair –  Don’ts

1.) Please – Try not to cover your face with your hair.  Remember this is for the first impression for someone to consider you as their very own sweetheart.

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As beautiful as it is please resist the urge to cover your face.
As beautiful as it is please resist the urge to cover your face.
Ummm...? Well the good news is she has bills AND coins for toll booths..
Ummm…? Well the good news is she has bills AND coins for toll booths..

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Facial hair

Please look as trim and as presentable as you can be. Remember, not perfection, but the best YOU you can be.

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About HATS

Don’t wear them!  If you are going to wear hats, make sure there are enough pictures to actually see your face. It’s ok to say that you’re a hat guy/girl, just please limit them for your profile pictures – and choose them wisely…

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The last picture can also fit in this category –

Update your pictures!

You may have been a hunk or a prom queen back in the day, in all fairness, if you are already presenting yourself incorrectly, that is misleading.  A person will love you regardless of how you use to look, so join him/her in the present day and make your profile pictures show you in the present day, not going any further back than two years (unless you there are drastic changes in your appearance including weight loss/gain or any noticeable cosmetic surgery.

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Make-up –

Ladies, less IS more and applying it correctly is even greater.

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The Half-naked Shots on dating sites other than hook-up sites

one word – WHY??

What never ceases to amaze me is reviewing profiles that want the serious relationship, yet, the images they choose are those that really say, “All the commitment of a bar, without the hassle of driving home drunk.”

Beloveds, if there are half-naked shots in the profile, “hooking-up/one night stands/and peep show video-ing” are sure to follow. I implore you to please guard your heart from settling for these online dating users – unless you want to end up showing your privates to someone across the country, and there’s no true commitment made. With the selfies craze, unfortunately, the sense of preserving oneself for a true love is becoming more rare. However, it is a quality that other successful users subconsciously look for in choosing a forever mate.

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The above picture is also meant to share how important your background is so, please have your background perfect – and away from mirrors in case the mirror shows a dirty room.

Regarding Fish photos

It’s great, fellas, that you are proud of your catch, however, to put in perspective, many females must scroll through many many pictures of men proudly showing their catch, but here’s the secret – unless the woman is proficient in that activity, (or is worried she may not eat,) posting those pictures are not there for her, they’re there for you – which should not be.  Send those to those who have expressed an interest in fishing. (of course, this is primarily for those men in the south where it is predominant.) Instead, think of creative pictures to post to catch her eye:

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Fellas, this beats your fish trophy pictures hands down..

Cut Photos with other people (namely your ex) in them 

NO…Stop being lazy, take new pictures.

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gone with the wind

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Honestly, there were so many categories this picture could have fit, but it’s a nice segue to the next topic regarding pet pictures…

Regarding pictures with your Pets.

Pet lovers ….. it’s great to show that you have and love your pets, however, if you show that they have a place in your daily life that is … a bit much, you may not attract the type of person you seek, so please simply go easy on the pet pictures on sites that are not specifically for finding pet lovers.

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For in the next blog, I will discuss other photo no-nos And how to avoid being scammed.

Guarding your hearts and wallets,

Shakira Arikah Nash Baly-Jensen, Founder of Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking

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http://www.twoheartsoffline.com

http://www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking  – (to be a beta-tester for the upcoming dating app Two Ships)

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When You’ve Messed up So Badly, You Think You Can Never Be Loved

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Lydia* (* names changed) was ready planning for hers and Trevor’s* new life until she discovered by chance, his marriage wasn’t over, but in fact very much “loving.”  When she decided to end it and his wife found out, the barrage of hate calls towards her began from the wife, their friends, and his children, leaving her battling stress, depression, and her personal view towards God.

Am I crazy to think she can be forgiven and find true Peace and then her True Love?

Another story is one where Jake*, a young assertive businessman whose success was rapidly growing at exponential speed. He was accumulating many things and was enjoying the attention he was getting from the company’s bigwigs. One night, after a party at the local upscale restaurant, Jake, having a few too many to drink, lost control of his car and hit a mini-van carrying a mother and her two small children.  The impact killed the mother instantly. Jake lives constantly in torment and agony of the accident,  and finds it hard to believe the family would ever forgive him, though at times, he’s wanted to contact them.  He didn’t believe in God, but questioned that if he were real, why would He allow the mother’s death?

Jake can also be forgiven and receive the Peace he seeks.

Although these are two separate stories, the result of shame, guilt, despair, and unforgiveness still tend to stifle individuals when it comes to bonding in romantic relationships, and only those who connect the two prove to have an amazing track record in finding their true love.  Isn’t it true that all anyone wants is to be loved, cherished, and respected; understood and accepted?  A client of mine has many affirmations posted on her walls, which calls for the chanter to pull the strength from within, but if a person’s mind is negating the statements, (such as, “You are worth it,”) the mind has nothing solid to draw from, so it disagrees  – which tend to lead to the destructive choices people make, made ever so clear in matters of the heart.  Where can you draw from?

First off, knowing and understanding that even though you may not believe in God, there is nothing damaging in studying how He is said to describe love, which is actually what we all want:

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I say all this to say that even when you mess up, there is someone who claims to love you – right way – and gives you the freedom to choose to love Him back.

And from that Perfect Love of forgiveness, you will begin to feel from your heart that forgiveness, and that other people follow that same way of life, which leads to the open door of being able to love the right way and receive love the right way. This work is what is necessary in building the HEALTHY foundation for a loving, loyal and committed marriage.

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In short,

You are Worthy to be Loved.

There really is someone out there you were made for.

Allow yourself to accept that Perfect forgiveness, but take the time to admit your mistakes and take responsibility. The circle of influence your actions affect, expand past your immediate field of vision.  Accepting the mercy and forgiveness God gives has the power to positively affect into future generations.   th (2)

Then study the actions of unconditional love, (which is not being a doormat).

The work you do now in planning forever will help you find the one you were made for, instead of wasting time with those who are satisfying emotional and sexual needs, just to end in heartache. Is that what you want?

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If you need advice or a friendly ear, please contact us at Two Hearts.  We are passionate about making sure that every couple matched is done in a way for a loving lifelong commitment in marriage.  Modeled after how Jesus loves, we have witnessed countless success stories, and now, adding daily with our services by matching healthy, stable couples. Beyond that, it’s simply prayer to match the right ones with each other! (That’s the secret)

This blog was much needed and had to be said, so to give those caught in their minds that they are unloveable.

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Peace, Love, and Blessings to you!

And Happy Dating/Companion Building!

S. Arikah Baly-Jensen, Founder Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking and Two Ships

http://www.twoheartsoffline.com

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It’s coming: The Amazingly, Wonderful, Awesome Dating App

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No Fooling.

Ok. by now you know me enough to know that my heart aches for those who make unhealthy choices in relationships and choose the wrong one.  You know that my passion is to have everyone who wishes to be married, be with, FROM THE START, someone who understand SELF-Respect and Respect towards others, namely their romantic other.

Well, now, the preview of the new dating app – with YOU in mind, Two Ships, is ready for you to have the first glimpse.

What makes this different from the rest?

For one thing, I want you to be happy.  I want you to smile. I want you not have your heart broken unexpectedly or be trapped in a relationship that is completely unhealthy.  I also don’t want, for you, to know that anything with my name on it perpetuates (unwanted) one-night stands, or infidelity, off-balanced relationships – where one cares for the other more, especially after sex, or broken hearts.

I want you to be educated. I want you to know, with your eyes wide open, who you are professing your heart to, with the hopes that the other person is professing and meaning, the very same things.

Anyway,

I created this new dating app called, Two Ships, for those who were tired of superficial interactions with phony people and seek to meet quality matches for “chance” meetings. Because this is a time sensitive preview, would you be willing to share this with your group? http://apps.zapporoo.com/view/lmbitas7437hd4ii/

This is the preview to my new app, Two Ships.

This preview will only be open for 29 days. Upon interest,

like my fb page, http://www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking

Thank you so much!

Love, Peace, and Respect to you!
Arikah Jensen, Founder, Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking

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