Lisa* (name changed), a single woman in her mid- 40s, attends church regularly. She knows and calls on God being her all. She attends single’s events and women’s events, gets along well with her co-workers – even known in the office as the “one to ask when you need prayers.” She’s been on several dates in the past that never worked out but had always prayed for a husband and children that came from her own womb to love and call her own. She’d been walking the conservative life as a Christian for over 20 years and even though she knows things are in God’s timing, there is a tiny part in her that believes that she has to pray a certain way or learn a certain thing before God gives her the husband she’d been asking for. All this is done while keeping her distance from being approached for fear of “falling” for the wrong guy or getting involved too quickly. A first time “coffee date” involves an interrogation for why he may not be the one or if he could be one – which she mistakenly and innocently disguises as conversation.
Peter* (name changed), in his late 40s, has been out with many Christian women and tried many times, without realizing it, to be the guy that could fit each potential woman’s life in case she was “the one.” He even was engaged a couple of times. He had been telling God repeatedly he was ready for a wife and believed that God answers prayers, but each time he would consider a woman to be even his girlfriend, the woman would usually end it. He would hear, “You’re too much of a good guy, I guess part of me wants a bit of a bad boy.” He then believed that the answer, slapping him in the face, was that 1.) he must become a jerk to even get a dating relationship because Christian women want that now, and 2.) God doesn’t answer prayers for a spouse.
Who’s guiding you?
In my business, I come in contact with many people in all walks in life – believers and nonbelievers, and on a grand scale, I try to reach out to all and speak about something everyone wants – unconditional love, acceptance, and to be understood. The most surprising thing is that there are more Christians who truly struggle with the journey of receiving the desires of their heart, especially in regards to finding a spouse. Many think it has to come in a formula prayer or life-point, while slowly building resentment, or depression and grief, or bitterness and even pride in their hearts towards God and give up on prayers being answered. Many cry out in deep agony outwardly and internally to God but after months and years they begin to doubt. Pride, at this point, has taken its toll and either the person takes matters into their own hands to make things happen, saying they don’t need God to make things happen in their lives (think Sarah, Abraham’s wife when she was promised a son, and because it was taking too long, took matters into her own hands. A move that still affects today and why there is war in the Middle East) to swinging in the absolute opposite side of the pendulum and subconsciously hide, making it impossible to meet possible candidates (think Moses’ attitude in Exodus 4: 1-24)
I’ve been asked many times what qualifies me in this profession. How would I know the relationships would last? How would I know the two were meant for each other?
While nothing in this world is guaranteed, there are no apologies for believers yielding humbling themselves to the actual need of the Power, Grace, and Direction of God. The Proverbs are filled with the importance of wisdom and discernment and even gives important and life-altering information on how to find and keep a spouse. Many times, it is very easy in the Christian world to intellectualize the need for Jesus’ Power, but our hearts do not believe.
But here is something I want to leave you with: when you are all prayed out, let it go and believe. The hardest part about prayer is the actually believing that it is being answered.
Why would God, who makes no apologies for being vehemently passionate about preserving the sanctity of the marital covenant, why would He be lackadaisical – impasse, even when it comes to ensuring strong marriages are created? With our vows being committed to HIM, as God being the third cord and glue to bond and hold the marriage, why would He not answer prayers?
“You don’t get because you don’t ask God. When you do ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” – James 4:2-3.
This can be applied in all circumstances.
“…Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, you words were heard, and I have come in response to them. But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me because I was detained there with the king of Persia.” – Gabriel to Daniel, Daniel 10:12-13.
Let go and believe.
Humble yourself and active aligned yourself with your Maker so to be a part of His plan.
Repent of the pride that may be subtly building. Ask God to search your heart and make clear to you any pride that may have taken root. Ask others around you (the wise has many advisors) who can be honest with you what is apparent about your persona involving your singleness. And allow a date to just be a date to be encouraged and to encourage another without qualifying the person as a spouse too soon.
I pray with you. I pray for you. Part of the matchmaking with my clients, is being an objective party both candidates can confide in and pray. The goal of the company is NOT simply to matchmake for the sake of doing it, but to do it right, with setting God as the actually compass in connecting the pair. Clients, if anything, learn about themselves, past choices and why they made the choices, which serve as a break in the walls that had been built up from repeated heartaches.
Love and peace,
S. Arikah Baly-Jensen, founder of Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking