I wasn’t exactly sure which of the topics to choose as February proved to be a very busy month for me, I think it’s best to continue to talk about developing a healthy relationship.
After speaking with a few clients, a common thread I came across often was being asked the questions about being attracted to an “opposite” person versus finding someone who “too much like them.”
“Should I find someone who is unlike me?”
“Maybe we’re too much alike and won’t get along.”
In all fairness, though, it’s important to know what IS your opposite.
It’s also important to keep in mind that ‘opposites that attract,’ on a deep core level, never guarantee that they will stay together.
I usually answer this question by describing to them, that those that share the same core values – down to how they believe communication between them as a couple should be conducted – is one that promises a lasting, thriving relationship.
It’s common to find relationships that start with frustration occur because one is ‘healthy’ (in terms of giving and receiving love) and the other is lost, confused, and toxic – but is attractive or alluring enough to convince the healthy person that they are capable of love (which usually only amounts to carnal, erotic lust).
However, I am seeing more of a trend with singles – Christian and otherwise – who are desperately looking for love, so much so that they don’t even realize they’ve lost the joy of just dating. I reminded one of my clients that interrogating a date on the first two dates is too soon to put them in the category as a prospect. Until that person has proven themselves – in the little things you’ve noticed (when they don’t know you’re watching – but not staring) those things that you truly admire, relate to, understand, and allows for a safe, trusting atmosphere where both of you can be vulnerable, open and intimate with before sex is brought into the picture, then and only then will you understand and be grateful that like attracts like. Does that makes sense? You will attract the best version of yourself. If you are attracted to bad boys, and by bad, I mean the philanderer, the one with rage, abusive, disrespectful – if that is your cup of tea, understand what you are reflecting is also toxic, and you will never change him.
If you’re attracted the women who seem like they are the ‘damsel in distress’ (pretty much victim-minded), you will find that you will be in competition with herself and her reasoning as to why she doesn’t deserve you, how she likes the bad boys, and how not only how she has done many things, but more than that, how many people have tortured her. I’m not in any way belittling anyone who has been victimized and hurt by the actions of others, I’m simply saying that those same women are not for you because they are not at their best self. And regardless of what they say, if this describes them, they will never fully reach their best self in a relationship. Is that the opposite you’re referring to? I had to remind another inquirer that, until she can appreciate the love he was wanting and ready to give, she hasn’t earned the place in his heart to be wondering if she is the one and asking what he should do.
I know that no one wants to be alone. I think, however, many times people make up excuses to be with the ‘wrong for them person that they don’t realize at the time’ just to fulfill sexual desires and cover the void they may feel, and so these ‘opposites attract’ sayings give rise. It’s only after the person is hurt deeply from their choices that they finally understand that maybe they should rethink that saying.
Remember these points to find your “like”
- RELAX – You’ll never really know if you two are in sync until you realize to just allow a date to just be a date. Don’t be quick to qualify the person.
- Start small conversation with others
- GO OUT. If it’s to the park, a coffee shop, the library, anywhere there is people,
- Be intentional to at least try to converse and compliment two people of the opposite gender (regardless your preference). This will get you out of your shell and go beyond ‘just prowling’ or waiting to be picked up.
- Practice asking people out for a quick lunch or coffee
- DO NOT SINGLE OUT ANY ONE PERSON as THE one until
- You are able to do something that would guard their heart from being hurt from rushing too quickly into a relationship with you, i.e. if you go out on dates and you know the other does not be honest and share in the beginning.
- It is absolutely apparent not only to you on a deep gut level but this person has openly shared they want to exclusively be with you.
- Before moving on to the exclusivity, it is DIRELY recommended that both of you take a ‘Dating Gauge’ type test. I offer this service to clients where both take a confidential compatibility date to make sure both of you have the same goals and intentions for the relationship. I cannot stress enough how much this has helped from potential disasters from happening. Email anyone on staff at email@example.com or me personally at firstname.lastname@example.org. “Like” us at http://www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking
Love and Peace,
S. Arikah Nash Baly-Jensen, Founder, Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking and Two Ships