This year, I want to ask of you a huge favor – PLEASE pass it on to your “seeking, lovesick” friend that just because he/she had sex with that hot (or even average looking) person twelve times already within the past five nights, that doesn’t equal “love.” A sex life comparable to rabbits maybe, but not love.
That just because your friend knows where ticklish spots are and can name all the moles, tattoos, and hair on that person’s body, that doesn’t mean they were meant for each other.
That just because the two like long walks on the beach, like to travel, enjoy a dinner and movie, dancing, or volunteering at their local church doesn’t mean they qualify as the couple that will be there for each other when (not, “if”) the storms of life in relationships occur.
Please help them to minimize heartache and heartbreak (there’s a slight difference) this year by helping them to call it what it really is – an enjoyable time with another person that wasn’t meant to be longer than 3 months. (Even though I was being really generous there, I’ll even venture to say 6 months.)
Yep, Lust has a time limit.
Why? Because even the most ‘surface-y, superficial’ person is fearfully and wonderfully made and deeply desires unconditional love. This goes even deeper and beyond “loving” someone past warts, unwanted hair, bad breath and bad cooking. This is where your core beliefs, which usually are established from your childhood, come and take a life of their own.
I’m going to share this in terms of a marriage.
For example, a newly married couple (anything under 4 years) are having a hard time seeing eye-to-eye about what it means to express and demonstrate their love. He, being straight-laced and quiet, believes when he sends her text messages professing his love, he is showing her love daily. She, more gregarious and lively, believes he needs to plan dates, wine/dine and woo her, every weekend. He was raised that the husband provides a roof and try to lighten the stress of the wife and be the “Head servant,” however when asked what that word meant to him, he admittedly answered he didn’t know. She was raised with the belief that marriage could fail at any time, so husbands must fervently tend to the marriage. At least when the wife is tending the family and home.
Both confess to love each other, but really, how they decide to handle the above situation is what will strengthen or destroy their relationship. How can I say that? Well, it all goes back to how they view one thing, the core belief – what marriage means to both of them.
Let’s be real here. More and more, people are becoming anti-marriage, but it’s not because it doesn’t work. Some marry, I’m told, because there are tax breaks and benefits. Some marry to escape their environment or circumstance. As a matter of fact, I could be here naming off a few for a bit, so I’ll just make this into a list and you tell me if these ‘marriages’ are based on terms that are lasting.
– to spite another person,
– to inherit material items
– to control another person
– to ensure loneliness doesn’t come in their lives
– to make headlines
– to have what they think as non-stop sex
– to have someone home waiting for them, (and add to this one, while they are with someone else)
– to “lock in” playful and fun times with another person
– to give their children a parent
– to have a live-in babysitter, and/or maid
– to beat their biological clock
– to prove they are worthy
– to have children
– to keep up with religious standards and timeframes
– to keep up with secular timeframes and standards
– to ensure someone will always be in agreement with however or whatever they decide to live their lives
– to have the “daddy” or “mommy” they never had
What’s so scary is that, I am sure, you as the reader, can think of other reasons to add to the above list.
These days are and will be more difficult to find true love on the fly. My point is simply this: until a person, who truly wants a committed and loving relationship, can be real with what his or her owns reasons are for feeling ready for a committed relationship, that person will only get non-serious, non-committed people. No matter how much your friend loves that wart on that cutie’s back or the bunion on that beauty’s foot. A person has to ask him or herself, and be able to answer, the hard questions of what he or she truly believes.
Next week’s blog, Some Core Belief / Value Questions that MUST be Answered to Have and Find a Successful Relationship. (I’ll probably shorten the title.)
Tell your friend to read my blog and to send questions if I can help. Or, you can for yourself. Remember it’ll be my opinion, but it’ll always be your ultimate choice to take the advice – just like for your friend when you see him or her get into relationships that you can see from a mile away a heartbreak is inevitable, and when it does, your friend throws out the whole idea of love with the bath water. Until the next time, and so the cycle continues.
Love is more than this and can be found and savoured. Only the wise (not the smart – but wise and yes, there is a difference) find it, and once it’s found, it’s rich, juicy, and everlasting.
I’ve seen it too many times to not believe that. I’ve been promised that from my Maker to not believe Him. And, although my husband and I have our own take displaying our love, I’m happy to say we’re living it.
: Want to have a FREE month of my personal matchmaking service and lots of great gifts? There are two contests going on found on http://www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking. 1.) Sign up and buy the month service for an already deep discount before the 16th and be placed in the drawing for an extra month, and/or, 2.) post your own most creative 30 second video of YOUR definition of Love. Those videos with the most “likes” wins! (no porn, nudity, or videos in poor taste will be accepted. It’s too bad I have to put that, but again, that’s the world we live in. Keep it clean!)
Love, Peace, and Happy Dating to you!
Shakira “Arikah” Baly-Jensen, Founder Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking and Two Ships Dating App