I remember this time of the year being so difficult on so many levels; the thought and stress of the hustle and bustle of arranging to see family, customers AND co-workers at work, the endless commercials of gifts I could not only not afford, but had no vision in seeing myself out of the chokehold I was in emotionally to picture myself enjoying such gifts, and then the loneliness of the Holidays. I don’t know, with all the romantic movies, seeing couples cuddling and bundled up, for some crazy reason, it seemed that no matter if I did have a boyfriend earlier in the year, by winter, he was gone. One after a pathetic other – (ughhh!) Trust me, I was getting better at secretly learning which friend’s parent’s home I could party at who kept the alcohol flowing, just to drown the emptiness, but it never solved the pain.
But funny, sitting here right now to try to choose who to write this about, it’s laughable that my heartache lasted only as long as the season and I remember the feelings of being hurt INSTEAD of the guy!
But for the sake of the title, and really learning how to get over the Ex, I’ll call my ex “Barry” – a compilation of the past romances
- When Barry #1 and I ended it, I was the last to know – I didn’t know that he actually used me then decided to deny ever being in a relationship with me – HOW I GOT OVER? At the time, I allowed myself to cry – but I gave myself a time limit.
- When Barry #2 and I ended it, it was because I wanted marriage and he wanted to continue living together – HOW I GOT OVER IT? I was getting stronger by this time, and realised I was worth marrying
- When Barry #3 and i ended it, he was immature in age and emotions and took the ring back twice – HOW I GOT OVER IT? I became my best fan and stood with my head held high.
- When Barry #4 (and …I better stop here) and I ended it, he never told me it was over and he would sleep with other women while we dated and that he would leave town without telling me – only to come back to expect me waiting for him – HOW DID I GET OVER IT? – lol, actually, after praying that he would wise up and come back to me, I wanted him to see how happy I was with my new life, new family – and I did, however, I didn’t see him when I was still in revenge mode. I saw him (in public, by chance) when I let go and forgave. And I was laughing and playing with my daughter and husband.
How did I have to get over the ex?
- I had to allow myself to grieve, but set a time limit (only after work, while watching Golden Girls or some comedy to keep my feel good hormones flowing freely) for about 2 to 3 hours.
- NO pictures, gifts, etc. (except if I just liked the gift itself) survived if my heart was attached to it by thinking of him
- I had to NOT initiate contact (why have them call me psycho?) – so no texting, calling, hanging out at their work, but I did mentally put myself there and knew I’d get the last laugh.
- I had to share with trusted friends and LAUGH!
- I had to journal what I learned about myself and about the relationship and what I would or would not do in the next one
- I had to go out and smile knowing that not all (guys/ you can insert girls, too) were jerks and I shouldn’t put the emotions I had from one relationship on the shoulders of a new potential friendship
- I matured and decided that abusing alcohol was not the answer
I hope this help you. You’re not alone, regardless what you think. you will get stronger and over it, and you’re a hero for getting up again and believing your love is out there!
If you need to talk or want to join the Two Hearts Secret Group Conference Call, just go to http://www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking and post that you’d like to be added to the group.
The call is an interactive accountability call where we are going over the 40-day Love Dare Journey, where singles and couples alike, are preparing themselves and their minds to give the love necessary to maintain a loving and lasting relationship.
If you’d like to join, call at 7am CST/8am EST
Conference dial-in number: (805) 399-1000
Participant access code: 205919
Playback number: (805) 399-1099 (access # above) (though, tomorrow will be more an as requested/needed call)
The Two Ships app is still under way is expected to be released in 2015.
Love, Peace, and respect to all,
Shakira Arikah Baly