I think it’s wise to start with the question first, “What is it that you truly want for yourself?”
Listening to the Think and Grow Rich call this morning, it was read that one of the things written in Dr. Napolean Hill’s was only those who know want they want out of life get it. A caller even mentioned that in an interaction between two people the one with the stronger will, will win out.
What does this have to do with the casual sexual relations among dates and dating? Many people say that they want true love and someone to love them for them, yet in the same breath either discover too late that they had given the gift and privilege of themselves to undeserving others, or, they speak of satisfying their own “urges.” Really it all boils down, what is it that you truly want?
“Oh, that’s easy for you to say, and that may work for you, but if I don’t, they think something is wrong with me.”
“Girl, I am just a sexual being – you get me?”
“Hey, a guy / girl ‘s got needs.”
“Well, yeah I love God. I still want the nookie.”
“I’ve got a high sex drive.”
“Hey, anything that will get a girl to have sex with me, I’m willing to say or legally do.”
I was thinking of the dear widows and widowers I know, young and older, and realized they never spoke of satisfying these urges. Instead they would speak with respect, of their departed. Sure they mention of wanting to be in a relationship, however, they would speak in a way to love the person.
Again, I noticed that it all boiled down to respect of themselves and others.
It’s funny how we (or the audience does) boo and laugh at the people on the talk shows or court shows or in the tabloids and shake our heads in disgust when they advertise how their sexual lives and infidelity are shameful. But is it shameful because it’s out in the public or because they are doing it?
Perhaps, in the search of finding our “true love,” we can actually be the type of person with the type of values and morals we want to attract, or at least act as though we are being watched? One thing I’ve learned is that whatever is done in the dark, will eventually have light shed on it. Sooner or later in some shape or form, it will be revealed including our mistrust of another.
Being celibate just for the sake of being celibate, does not work. I mentioned to a friend that for 8 years, I lived a celibate life because I thought it was the proper thing to do since I became a Christian. For a while, I was fine, but I think when it started to get to the point of my boasting of my own efforts of remaining celibate that I started to become weak. I started looking at married men and lusting after them – not so much for the sex, but because I wanted to have that kind of man to father my future children. I remember confiding in two co-workers and friends of my growing libido. That was when they suggested that perhaps I should consider seeking help, especially since it was dominating my thoughts and mind. (We’ll talk about this story in a future blog.)
“Well, that’s you and that’s them. I’m sexually healthy.”
Just a side note, are you in the relationship that you want? That you dreamed of?
- If you pray to God to send you someone to love and one who loves you, please act like it. Does God give second best? Does He match others when they are not at their best? And by “best,” I do not mean perfection, I mean your priorities are right, and you are living your life as though you are preparing your home (which is your heart) for a peaceful life – confronting or dealing with past hurts and baggage and any unforgiveness.
- If you pray to God, are you praying for God to send someone to you or are you praying over your future spouse. Before meeting Bob, I was in a toxic relationship that I knew in my heart was not for me. Up until then, Bob was trying to get a membership to the gym I worked at (where we met), but there was always something preventing him from doing so including flat tire on the day he was coming, forgetting about coming over instead of usingi the one he was currently using, and him being presented with another deal from that gym he was using. He said that the one I worked at had a particular machine that he liked that the other didn’t have so he knew he wasn’t going to stay where he was. It wasn’t until I listened to that tiny voice and broke off things with that relationship, that on Feb. 1, a couple of weeks later (making sure that my past relationship was good and out of my life, maybe?) that he was able to get membership to the gym where I worked. He had seen me first, and finally on the afternoon of February 14, was when he approached me – as a client. (Of course, because he was a client, neither one of us ever knew or planned that we would be in holy union. Yet individually, we both were praying to Jesus and ready to find someone to love). Once we dated, then were engaged, I literally felt as though I was being ushered by the hand spiritually, into Bob’s arms.
- Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. If you’ve been following the Ravens’ Ray Rice happenings, you’ll know that a video of him being on the elevator with his, at the time fiancee, and he punched her square in the face, knocking her out. She had since married him, and although in the recent pictures that have surfaced shows her either looking down, tight jawed, or just with a sullen expression, she tweeted that she will continue to stand by her husband, (with him being suspended) and that this was her unconditional love, and to please respect her, her daughter’s, and husband privacy. He had since reported that his wife a strong and supporting woman. Who knows but them, what happened behind closed doors throughout the span of their relationship? I don’t and don’t pretend to know, however, it is so common to see couples where one is getting secretly abused, either verbally, physically, or emotionally, yet because of giving into sex pre-maturely, their hearts are bound and devoted to their abuser. Just a question – is that love? Is that the kind of love you are seeking? Who is giving the unconditional love – her or her husband?
“So are you judging? I don’t want to judge anyone!”
Judging comes in two forms; 1.) condemning someone for some kind of act they committed and 2.) using proper filter and wisdom. For example, if you knew that a pedophile lived in your neighborhood, would you allow your child to be alone with this person? You don’t need to condemn to decide which is right and safe for your child and which is not.
- Community – are you seeking life outside your own head? In order to properly have a healthy relationship, the right people in your life will look you square in the eye and let you know of a aura, or an energy, around that person that, once you’re bitten with the pre-mature sex bug, will be difficult to see.
- Meditation – Are you focusing and being thankful that your perfect-for-you person will meet you?
- Enjoying Every Life – Are you enjoying all that life has to give and offer?
It’s so common to be swept up in the whirlwind of having to have someone to fulfill our needs, and yet once in a relationship, we wonder where it went wrong. If you haven’t received what you deeply wanted so far, perhaps going deeper into your plan of action is necessary. After all, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right? From this blog, I hope to communicate that perhaps reviewing our actions with our words to truly get our heart’s desire will be both necessary and rewarding.
Love, Peace, and Respect to you,
S. Arikah Nash Baly-Jensen, Founder, Two Hearts Offline Matchmaking www.twoheartsoffline.com
(Coming Soon – our dating app, Two Ships, to meet QUALITY people. Like us on Fb to be one of our beta testers! http://www.facebook.com/twoheartsmatchmaking)